Trying to figure this out

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Trying to figure this out
15
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 8:33pm

It's been the Rollercoaster ride of the month for me....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 10:15pm
I WAS in your situation and I say listen to your instincts. Just like this man is playing his wife for you he is playing you too with this other woman. He could be one of these "career A" guys. just because you are in an A does not mean you should be comfortable with this...let him know how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 8:33pm

Just want to know, What did you do in your situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 10:53pm
This AP I had was a piece of human garbage. He lied so much that he didn't even know what the truth was anymore. Yes, he was seeing someone else, and not only that. He was a sex addict and had secret life that I knew nothing about. I'm just grateful I didn't catch a disease. This was many years go. Now I"m in an A with a man that is married like me and we are on the same page. If he were to see someone else I am pretty sure he would tell me and vice versa. I can't expect an AP to be faithful to me..that would make me a hippocrite, but I don't expect the person to be a pathological liar. I don't have energy to work out other people's neurosis, I have too much of my own to worry about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 5:41pm
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me... I am just confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 8:53pm

Girl don't thank me...that's what this board is for..we are all in this mess together..LOL..

But seriously you hit it on the head. I told AP once (the nice one that I have had the past three years) that it is wierd being in an A, there are no rules.....I sort of feel like I have no right to expect anything but in some ways I feel that I do. He totally understands....I think once jealousy gets in the way that is when I'll probably walk. I can't handle that emotion very well....I know that he has the right to have an A with whoever else he feels like but that doesn't mean I have to try and deal with it. part of the fantasy is being AP's only AP. Knowing he's a player getting it all over makes him less attractive to me. yeah, I'm wierd but its okay.....It's my A and i'll feel however the frig I want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 10:19am

I told my AP the first time that I questioned him about being with someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 10:49am
hi! just putting my thoughts in here.
~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 1:22pm
Kimmie,
the same holds true for me, doesn't it? If I can lie to my H, then I can lie to AP and become the town whore. I choose not to. It isn't my nature to do that. I am not sleeping with my H, I only sleep with AP and very infrequently. As for my AP I dont feel that I have the right to expect him not to stray with anyone else, but I have a right to have my feelings about it. I own my own feelings and I honor them. We started off as good friends and we told one another about why we were unhappy in our M's, etc. I told him stuff I told noone else about my life and vice versa. I'd like to think that after sharing all that he would tell me if he had a fling with someone else....and to be honest with you part of me doesnt want to know...but I am not a fool and know what the deal is in a situation like this. Thanks for your input anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 1:27pm
What do I expect from my AP...? Well first and foremost I don't expect him to leave his W. Just like I'm not leaving my H. I expect him to be my friend, my confidante, to make an effort to contact me when he can and to make an effort to see me when he can. Lately that isn't often and I'm okay with that. I have low expectations so I don't get disappointed. He often reminds me to stop thinking too much and just have fun, and you know what? He's right I don't have enough fun in my life.....So my AP is not some hot torrid love affair that will go down in history...its about forgetting the real world once in a blue moon and having some fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 2:31pm

I have been with my AP for 8 years this year...I THOUGHT we had an understanding that we were seeing only each other..and that if he or I ever found someone else that we wanted to be with we would tell the other and that we are HONEST with each other about everything (sexually anyways).


I just found out a few months ago, that is not true.

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