i am sorry you are hurting so much..if he said ilu then it isnt only physical right? seems like u spend a lot of time together....as far as the SO-- who knows why they stay the saying is 'men don't leave' but some do i know of a few first hand... i am exiting my M now after many many yrs. he is my first love and first AP..we don't talk of a future just being together when we are old... i don't think i can divorce and be single in an A with him...so i have struck up a few friendships with some nice available men as my back up so i get out of here alive kwim? still don't think i can ever give him up.
ooohh yeah...and i know it probably hurts very much to hear about her...because you have feelings for him that are attached to your emotions...but try to think of the flip side..maybe he's not using you, maybe he regards you as a confidant as well...a very close, good, and like a best friend...now that, I think is a GREAT thing...it's really nice when someone with whom you are romantically involved can regard you as a friend...tell you the things they can't tell anyone else and let you know their stressors...think about this too...you get to see a very vulnerable side of him that he may not be able to show to anyone else esp. her....someone exposing you to their vulnerability can make for a very close relationship(no matter what that relationship is)...that's really special...his wife lists him..she prob only gives him head on holidays..(smile i was joking) but, do you kind of see what i mean...he has to be superman to her and whomever else....he may have to endure even a lot more than he divulges to you..but at least he can get out what he can to you...it probably helps him and the closer you are to him the better your relationship...ap and i started out as buddies...i confided in him about my interracial relationship, the differences, the disparaging comments my ex made about a certain ethnicity (oh except for me because i was no ordinary one, feel me) and at that time we were just friends, he confided in me about his stressors all the women in his life (he's the only boy..only has sisters and a wife and daughters, no sons no brothers) he takes care of all of them, and his mother...that can put a man's back on his head sometimes.....he couldn't say these things to them...he didn't want to appear weak, vulnerable and like he couldn't handle it...and for some reason he couldn't open up to his "W" about this..not sure whether she put him down about it or not..but i do know that he's made to feel like he has to provide provide provide...or maybe not made to feel that way but, he does because of the wants wants wants out of his household...(trust a brand new lex or BMW is not a need need need for a spouse) sometimes he wants to relax...with me it's easy..even with the conflicts sometimes...because i don't demand, i don't need from him and i don't expect..he does for me and i APPRECIATE...and thank...and love up...
when we started the "A", he stopped telling me as much because he didn't want to say anything that could ever hurt me....he doesn't realize nothing can hurt me about their "M" because i knew he was married going into it and all that goes along with it..but, my point is, he doesnt tell me as much anymore....IT WILL die down..he'll stop once your relationship grows more....and everyone's affair is truly unique...so your's may be slower or faster moving than others...
hope that helps...sounds like a good friendship trying to brew, especially if he's comfortable enought to reveal some vulnerability about his abilities to provide things (all things) his family needs.....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
ok i probably did something really childlish here but it was the only way i could figure out to get an idea on how he is feeling. I had a friend (male) send me text messages asking me to meet him, what i was doing, why wouldn't rather be with him than AP (this friend knows about the A and yes i can trust him) i figured i might trigger some sort of response from AP when he found out, and of course i made sure he found out. well did i get a response alright!! "who is this guy, who the hell does he think he is, tell him to go away you are taken, do i need to personally go and talk to him etc." well i guess i think i got my answer as to how he feels, what do you guys think!! then we are in bed and i get from AP. " i don't know what to do.. i think i will move you in with me (and of course SO..not happening)" at one point i think he is considering a real relationship with me and leaving his SO. he knows all it will take is one call and my H is out! and then the next he is talking about HER. I am beginning to think he is as confused as I am. So now what to do? we are both working together this winter at a ski resort on weekends. he told me to pack an overnight bag he can keep in his locker at work for me JUST in case we have a sudden snow storm and can not get home that night....hum...guess i should hit victorias secrets huh?? or fredricks???
i am exiting my M now after many many yrs. he is my first love and first AP..we don't talk of a future just being together when we are old...
i don't think i can divorce and be single in an A with him...so i have struck up a few friendships with some nice available men as my back up so i get out of here alive kwim?
still don't think i can ever give him up.
i don't think it really has anything to do with her looks, the reason why he is having an "A" i mean.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
To him i NEVER talk bad about her.
ooohh yeah...and i know it probably hurts very much to hear about her...because you have feelings for him that are attached to your emotions...but try to think of the flip side..maybe he's not using you, maybe he regards you as a confidant as well...a very close, good, and like a best friend...now that, I think is a GREAT thing...it's really nice when someone with whom you are romantically involved can regard you as a friend...tell you the things they can't tell anyone else and let you know their stressors...think about this too...you get to see a very vulnerable side of him that he may not be able to show to anyone else esp. her....someone exposing you to their vulnerability can make for a very close relationship(no matter what that relationship is)...that's really special...his wife lists him..she prob only gives him head on holidays..(smile i was joking) but, do you kind of see what i mean...he has to be superman to her and whomever else....he may have to endure even a lot more than he divulges to you..but at least he can get out what he can to you...it probably helps him and the closer you are to him the better your relationship...ap and i started out as buddies...i confided in him about my interracial relationship, the differences, the disparaging comments my ex made about a certain ethnicity (oh except for me because i was no ordinary one, feel me) and at that time we were just friends, he confided in me about his stressors all the women in his life (he's the only boy..only has sisters and a wife and daughters, no sons no brothers) he takes care of all of them, and his mother...that can put a man's back on his head sometimes.....he couldn't say these things to them...he didn't want to appear weak, vulnerable and like he couldn't handle it...and for some reason he couldn't open up to his "W" about this..not sure whether she put him down about it or not..but i do know that he's made to feel like he has to provide provide provide...or maybe not made to feel that way but, he does because of the wants wants wants out of his household...(trust a brand new lex or BMW is not a need need need for a spouse) sometimes he wants to relax...with me it's easy..even with the conflicts sometimes...because i don't demand, i don't need from him and i don't expect..he does for me and i APPRECIATE...and thank...and love up...
when we started the "A", he stopped telling me as much because he didn't want to say anything that could ever hurt me....he doesn't realize nothing can hurt me about their "M" because i knew he was married going into it and all that goes along with it..but, my point is, he doesnt tell me as much anymore....IT WILL die down..he'll stop once your relationship grows more....and everyone's affair is truly unique...so your's may be slower or faster moving than others...
hope that helps...sounds like a good friendship trying to brew, especially if he's comfortable enought to reveal some vulnerability about his abilities to provide things (all things) his family needs.....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
WOW you are soooo right.