Trying this a third time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Trying this a third time...
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:06am
Well, I tried posting this morning and wrote a long recap of my talk w/ MM and I went to post it and lost it!!!! Like most people I think, I'm not too crazy about this new board. Anyways, going to try this again but this time save my message before I post!!

So here it goes...

MM came over last night and we talked for about 3 hours. We covered everything and there's no way I can recap everything so I'll do my best to condense this.

He really thought that I didn't want anything to do with him and was afraid that he would loose me. He said that he was miserable before he met me and when he saw me he didn't plan on becoming so attracted to me and it just happened. He couldn't help but to flirt with me and couldn't stop. He said by meeting me has made him see what he really is missing in life and I have so many qualities he is attracted to.

He is deciding to get a D but just doesn't know when. He has thought it through by telling me that he needs to finish the house he started to build for them in order to put it on the market and sell it and use the money to buy a nice home for his wife and children. The home right now is just too big and expensive for one person. His brother also told him that he could live with him and he's okay w/ his W having custody of the kids because she does a good job with them and enjoys them and he believes he still could be a good part time Dad. I did ask him why he couldn't be separated and work on the house and he said he did think about this and said he could just leave his family, live with his brother and make a deal to work on the house on weekends until he can sell it. He is just so afraid of hurting his W because he does think she's a good person and didn't do anything wrong but they just have nothing in common and he knows that he will continue to be unhappy if he stays and his parents stayed in a loveless marriage and he doesn't want that. He is trying to do this the best way and is afraid his W will become bitter. He just wants to make this D as easy as a D can be.

He doesn't want to loose me but knows that it will be tough either way. Even if he does get a D it will be a difficult road. He is just so sincere, honest and easy to talk to. He's only been with his W for the last 21 years and only dated one other woman in highschool. So it's so refreshing because he doesn't carry the normal baggage that people in their 30's and 40's usually do from bad relationships. He is so open on his feelings towards me without being guarded. It is so easy to enjoy being with him. He just wants to talk with me and get to know me and hopes we can have a future.

I told him that I don't know how much I can handle and before he left I wanted some kind of "expectation" so let him know that it would be easier for me to stay in his life if I knew he had a solid plan. So I told him that it is probably best if he figures out what he wants to do and stick with it. So he agreed and said he'll try not to call me for awhile but wanted to do something with me today!! lol. We'll see how long this last!! But I feel a lot better since we did talk. It was funny because in the beginning I just let him babble and get all uncomfortable and about one hour of this I finally let him know how much I like him and want to be with him but wish it was under different circumstances. He was so happy!! All this time he thought I didn't want anything to do with him. He was so relieved and said that by talking to me makes it more clear on what he needs to do.

So I just need to wait. He said I could call him but I said I was too uncomfortable with that and I just have to let him have all the control in this. I think that I can bear to be in his life if he is planning on leaving in a month but any longer than that, I think it will be just too difficult. It's such a great feeling to have someone like me as much as he does!!! Almost surreal. Well, guess I'm in this for better and worse.

I really do not like how this new board's format is but I would be happy to exchange emails with anyone who wants to. Thanks- hope this works this time!!

Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:27pm
well i must admit you have all the bases covered. an i am happy that you and him have a direction to travel. i think you both have handled your talk like 2 adults and laid all your cards on the table. please keep us posted and please feel free to respond to those of us who get lost in the mess of our A. i am glad to hear that this my just work out for you.