TURN ON FOR THE W

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
TURN ON FOR THE W
12
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:25pm
I am dying to ask everyones opinion on this question:

It seems that most of us on these posts, do not have much physical

contact with our MM's. Most of the posts I have read only

kissing, touching seem to be the max, with a few exceptions.

So, has anyone wondered after your with your MM kissing, hugging

touching etc, do you think then he goes home and makes

love with his W, thinking of you as a "turn on"?


Sorry to be so blunt, but that is what I am thinking now, and

I do not want to.

Bunny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:42pm


Well, I am intimate with my MM and I know I'm a turn on for him. (It definitely works both ways, too.)

He doesn't often make love with his W, (from what I understand). She has arthritis, and is very sedate in style. I've never asked him if he thinks about me when he touches her, but he might. I can tell you though - he's not thinking about her for long when he's touching me.

Want me to ask him? We're meeting tomorrow.

Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:59pm
For my part, the OW was never a turn on for my W. It was never a "turn me on, send me home" situation. Even when she and I were 2000 miles apart and having stimulating online conversation, I didn't want to go have sex with my W.

Much has been made of the men's ability to compartmentalize. And maybe that's what I'm doing. But sex with one has nothing to do with sex with the other. If I was turned on by my OW I wasn't going to substitute my W.

To be just completely honest I feel like that would have been the height of unfair and disrespectful to all three of us. I have my faults and this A is certainly evidence of some of those weaknesses. But I just couldn't do that.

Besides... how am I going to think such perfectly wicked pornographic thoughts about my OW, know she's thinking the same (and sometimes worse!) and then go home to twenty minutes of missionary sex? LOL.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:28pm
This is one reason I am glad my OM is single...haha. I would totally be wondering about this too, but since I am his one and only I dont have to worry about this particular one, which is good since I am a worrier by nature and worry about enough crap.

Soleil

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:42pm
i agree. sometimes it can be that way! i used to feel that way too, since i was the married partner. i should say the sex part with H has improved drastically since om came into the picture. i guess the A has some advantages too... LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:43pm
Rain, lol about the missionary sex... That has to be bad... LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:56pm
I know that MM and I are intimate most of the times we see each other and I certainly do everything in my power to make sure he's "satisfied"

I also know that we've gone stretches that we can't see each other and the "heated" vm's and phone talk leave us both turned on - in the past I know that he's taken care of his needs by his W and I guess I have to. It's just part of playing in this ballgame of two M people having an A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 7:04pm
Oh I know for sure he does! Not because he told me, but because I simply know. Example: I spent the night at their house (I'm close friends with the W, remember) and after she passed out in the bed *I* was supposed to be in, I went to his bed and we didn't go all the way but it was certainly heavy. I took care of things, so to speak. Anyway, the next afternoon, I KNOW they snuck upstairs for a little action while my other friend and I were downstairs, and since they really don't have sex all that often, I know it was because of me. I hate to admit it, but I was thinking THAT'S RIGHT!!!! You're doing her but THINKING of me! LOL! I am so evil.

Anyway, he definitely hasn't come right out and said it, but I do have a sense about it. And let's be honest....I'm thinking of him while I'm with my H as well.

Twisted, man. =)

KC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:37pm
I think I'm more in rain's camp on this one; for me, the two relationships are very separate...both OMM and I have good sex lives at home...I might even hazard to say I have better sex with H, probably because we have 16 years experience pleasing each other...OMM has said the same about his W, that they have great sex together. But I do desire OMM much more than H. But I never think of one when I'm with the other, and having sex with H does not satisfy my desire for OMM. I do different things with H and with OMM. For example, I much prefer giving oral to OMM than I do to H. And OMM and his wife have what he calls their "stuff", which I think involves sex toys and things, none of which he and I have ever tried. It's just three completely separate sexual relationships, in our minds.

barefoot

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:12pm
I feel so compelled to respond to this post.

My xMM and I were very physical with each other, and each time was better than the last. One passionate kiss would nearly put him over the edge. Sadly, he has said that he hasn't kissed like that in over 15 years. During those times when we couldn't physically be together, we would send each other very naughty emails. In my mind, and his, this correspondence did nothing but fuel the fire for the next time we could meet.

His W is not an overly affectionate person, and in reading Rain's post to this thread, I immediately recognized what xMM must have felt, and he has admitted to me that he would never get away with doing the things we've done together, with his W.

However, our A and our sexual relationship was never far out of his mind. He was not able to compartmentalize, so to speak. So during those rare times, that his W would "feel the need", thoughts of me were on his mind. Unfortunately they did not act as a turn on, but only reinforced the guilt he felt. As Rain said, it would be disrespectful to hop into bed with W, while having thoughts about OW. It was due to this further act of betrayal on xMM's part, that his mind controlled his penis and W began to have suspicions as to why after 3 weeks of not "getting any", he would have a problem "raising the bar".

As you can imagine, this sexual dysfunction weighed even more heavily on his mind and on his member, and is what eventually led to the demise of our relationship. I do have to say, in my own defense, that there was never a problem of "hard" luck when we were together and I could get him squirming in his chair with one email composed out of longing for him "Psst, I'm not wearing any panties today!" LOL

These are my thoughts, and now I think I will go jump in a cold shower.

Take care

Red


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:06pm
yes, he was a turn on for me and i returned the favor. we all are married after all, so what so bad about it??? If you want your needs satisfied, that's all i can say!!

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