turning point
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turning point
| Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:49am |
I apologize now that this might be a little long. I just found this site and was so relieved to see that others are struggling with similar issues. I want to share a little about my situation before presenting my biggest problem. I have been involved with my OM for about 2 years now. We do have wonderful sex but it's much more of an emotional relationship than a sexual one. He is also married. My H is wonderful. He's amazingly loving and caring and respectful and I love him dearly. Like a family member. I feel no passion for him, no chemistry, no attraction. I have no desire to spend time with him but am overwhelmed sometimes at the amount of love and admiration that he has for me. For him to know what was going on would nearly kill him. The guilt is just one of my problems. I am madly in love with my OM. We have seriously discussed our future together and both want to have one. He, however, has 2 children and needs to end his marriage with enough tact that he doesn't jeopardize any custody rights. This leads to the question, how long could this go on?? I have decided that when I do leave my H, I will tell him the truth, that it is because of someone else. Therefore, I can't make a move on my end until the OM does. But my BIGGEST problem is that I am just over 30 which is longer than I ever thought I would wait to have children. And to be pregnant now with my H would just further complicate things and I can't yet start a life with my OM. What do I do now? I have explained how hard this is for me to my OM. My H is dying for me to be pregnant and he would be a wonderful father. I don't want to wait much longer. Regardless of my relationships, I know for sure that I want to be a mother and have wanted it for a long time. Do I put some time limit on my OM to figure out his situation? Do I just tell him that maybe our time is in the future and go ahead and have a child with my H who would be a wonderful father? Do I just wait it out? I'm so torn. While I know that my heart will never be fully happy with my H, I doubt that anyone could love me more or take better care of me than he does. And while my OM is challenging at times (although it's hard to make judgements about someone whom you can't spend every day with and every situation with), I want to do everything with him and go everywhere with him and share everything with him and spend every minute with him. I just feel that I am at a point where a decision has to be made. If I have to wait several more years for my OM to get out of his marriage, I'm not sure that I can do that. Have I made any sense at all??? I'm sorry about the rambling. If anyone has any insight for me at all, I would be forever grateful. Thanks!!!!!!!!!

allygirl -- welcome to the board and feel free to post anytime!
saturday has said it so well that all there is left for me is to reiterate what she said!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I agree with what the other ladies have already said. You need to figure out what you want to do in regards to your H and MM. Dont even think of bringing a child into this world until you have figured this out. It is not fair to your H to have a child with him knowing full well that you do not intend to stay in that relationship with him. It is even more unfair to the child. You still have plenty of time to start a family. One of my best girlfriends is having her second child this year and she is 40. Please think long and hard about bringing a child into this world, knowing that they WILL be subjected to the trauma of divorce.
Good luck to you...
BWE
*BWE*
I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. ~Ed Rooney
hey ally -- i like that "happiness purgatory"!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board