Ugggggg.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
Ugggggg.....
6
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 8:58pm
Uggggg....I am going insane. AP and I have not talked since Wed. He went to FL for Thanksgiving and went fishing with his family. I thought that we might talk some while he was gone but we haven't. I hate it. It has been the longest Thanksgiving ever. Tomorrow is going on 4 days now. I tried to call today but voicemail. I have sent a few emails and texts...but nothing. I hate this. Thursday was the was the first day we haven't talked since Sept 13th. We have talked everyday until Thanksgiving came. Now we have gone four days without talking. I understand though just don't like going this long without talking. I knew it would happen but I guess I should have prepared myself a little better. I am sure we all have this problem during this time of year. I just can't wait until he gets back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 9:25pm

The joys and lows of being in an A. The NC, planned or otherwise. Holidays are always going to be bad as the opportunity for communication dwindles with family around 24/7. Hang in there, he will contact you when it is safe. What works for me when AP drops contact is that he is not risking our A by being in contact with me when it is not safe to do so.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 10:03pm
I know he will contact me when he is either on his way back home or gets home. The thing is he is not married. So I think we could have had some contact but he is choosing not to tell his family about me yet. The reason for that is because of the "history" I should say. I use to live with his ex gf about 9 years ago and his family know how they ended. So he is choosing to not tell them about me yet. I just hate having to wait to talk to him that is all. Its hard when you talk everyday for over 2 months and then have a week stretch where you don't. I know he will. Everytime I get a text I am hoping it is from him. He is suppose to fly back home early monday morning and go straight into work. I am assuming he will contact me then...not sure though. I do hope so though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 11-30-2008 - 2:00pm
Can I tell you a funny story (now -- not then).
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 11-30-2008 - 2:10pm

I can understand where you're coming from, but honey, - if you're gonna survive this A you really need to get used to periods of NC. You need to talk to him about this and you have to agree on what's acceptable for the both of you. You must try to get used to periods of no contact whatsoever. Especially during holiday periods. He will contact you when he feels it's safe doing so. Being in touch every day is not necessarily the norm. It's more like the exception. What you expect and what you get is not always the same. If you give your AP a hard time about this it might be considered needy and nagging. But either way you need to let him know how you feel. Not about this NC, but NC in general.

My AP works abroad and when he's at home he's a full time dad - 4 kids. We agreed I needed to be able to manage 3 days of NC without going bonkers. I said I would, but we agreed on no longer than 7 days unless in special occations. This summer he was going on vacation with his family for 3 weeks. Roadmtriop through Europe. We agreed on NC as it would be very difficult for him to contact me safely. It was hard as hell, on both of us. But not as hard as it could have been because we talked about it beforehand.

The most important thing in an A is C O M M U N I C A T I O N.

NC for no reason at all, the controlling kind, the mindgames kind is NOT acceptable.
But again, talk about it before it becomes a problem.


Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 11-30-2008 - 4:51pm
Thank you all for all you stories and words or encouragement. I know I need to get use to the NC. It is hard though when you have talked everyday. I keep thinking maybe I did something wrong but I know I have not. But I keep thinking the worst things like you all have said. I don't want to be needy or nagging. However we both have discussed that we are both very clingy and we both know that. We both can be very demanding and we have also discussed that. We both understand that about each other. We also talked about us talking and not having periods of NC. However, this week is the exception. Like I said I should have prepared by myself better for this. He will be flying home back to NY early in the morning and going to work. At least that is what I was last told. So hoping tomorrow I will hear something. Thank you. I will keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 8:20pm
I heard from my dear AP this morning just a few brief texts. He was out fishing longer then expected. Missed his flight this morning back home and last I knew was on standby for flight home. On top of that his phone evidently died. So not really sure where he is at this point. If he's still waiting for flight, in route, or there yet. I am just glad he is finally in the process of getting home. Hoping for some more texts sometime...not sure though.