Ugghhh.....any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Ugghhh.....any thoughts?
2
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 12:07am
First thing I want to say is that you ladies rock. I dont get much time to actually respond to posts but I Lurk here all the time and have taken so many things you all share to heart. They help me in more ways then you know. So THANK YOU.

I posted for the 1st time almost a month ago and told my messed up story. Short recap: I've been married 4 yrs together 10 with a DD. OM is married with children also. A has been going on now over a year. Paternity with DD is up in the air. That is one of my problems this week. (SIGH) But I wont get into that this time cause I dont have the energy to post about it. :)

OM has been very standoffish the past 2 months. I have always attributed that to the fact that I am leaving the state in Oct and that he was trying to "distance" himself to try and make leaving easier. I was so spoiled by OM the past year by seeing him close to everyday and he would call whenever he was free. Now I have to call him at work. I have to try and make plans to meet etc. I just really get the feeling that I am doing all the work. He's always busy now and I swear it seems like he is making up excuses. I keep telling myself that I dont need this kind of treatment. Whenever I talk to him about it, he makes me feel like I am sayign something wrong and that I am completly pyscho (which I do feel like now). ITs crazy because he used to be the one starting everything. I've never been the type of girl that would hang around all day for a phone call, or keep running to the computer to see IF he would sign on just so I could say hello. But I am now. MY MY how the roles have reversed with the two of us.

I actually had a bit of an argument with him yesterday and I hung up the phone on him. Guess what happened? We ended up meeting for 30 mins later that night to talk. I had not seen him in ages and this time it was electric! I was arguing with him driivng down the road and he just leaned over and kissed me and I couldnt talk. I couldnt argue. I was lost in him all over again. Why does that happen?? How can he have this affect on me? I have no intention of leaving my M and I have honestly at some points felt like I wished this whole thing would be over so I can get back to being me again. But the addiction is still here. He's my drug of choice I guess you could say.

I keep thinking just a few more months and this will be over. I'll be in another state and we'll probably never see each other again. It gives me some relief to think this way, but in other ways it scares me to death. I dont know what I want anymore. THis whole thing is so crazy.

Thanks for letting me vent, it does help to just finally type it out and tell someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 2:27am
Hi suchamess and welcome to the board,

I think I said this just the other day... but it's nice to see the lurkers comfortable enough to come out of lurking and post on the board... gives you the chance to share your story and hopefully get a little more out of the board than your already getting... and hopefully it gives everyone else a chance to have another persons viewpoint put across as well.

I think I sort of remember your story... about what you were going through with your DD... please do keep us updated on how all that goes.

I can't offer you any advice that's going to get you through what you seem to have coming up in your life... as I truly couldn't bare to leave the state that MM and I are in... and if anyone where to leave... no doubt it would be me... we are from opposite sides of the country originally and it was through my marriage and DH's job that brought us to where we are now.

But I will say... stay strong... and keep posting... it's always good to just air those feelings 'aloud' than to just hold it all in.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 12:22pm
welcome to our rollercoaster! one day you're mad and the next you're making out. that's the nature of the EMA/A -- peaks and valleys.

if you're leaving the state, the R will end unless you want a LDR. if not, enjoy the time you have with your MM and let it flow.

take care,

gurl