UGH!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
UGH!!!
9
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:38am

epiphany for change, brought on with the aid of a serious reality check. Today I have reached a turning point. It may be all over but the crying -- but I hope to have the strength to move on and create a better situation for myself. Yes..I know..I have implied this many times..even I get bored with this.

H and I are in the midst of an awkward...building communication while preparing to separate tim in our lives.. We both run businesses out of the house..so we will not be separating until June...giving us time to wrap some stuff up at home..and really work on getting along better.. It is tense at time..awkward at best...After being in limbo about AP, I had decided to continue with our relationship because I just don't have it in me to end both at once.

I have come to care for AP deeply over the past several months..and especially in the past month after trying to split..realizing we wanted our friendship and then resuming A with more depth..hah..or so I thought. Although I know in the bak of my mind that once I am separated? I would give myself a few months to end with AP..because he is still married..and with me separated..it just changes the dynamics in a huge sort of way.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:43am

oops. typos galore. apologies.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 3:19pm
RB, hope you're doing alright. You've had your doubts as to what you were doing before and I'm sure it doesn't feel like it now but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. He knows you've been struggling and maybe this is him giving you the chance to find what it is you really want. Him going NC will give you that opportunity.
You've got a great positive outlook on things, try and keep it that way and you'll figure out what it is you need to do.
Hey, don't worry about the begging and neediness, we've all been there at some point. I don't even recognise myself at times.
Hugs your way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2011
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 1:57pm
( hugs ) It seems like your AP wanted to conquer and break that wall and since he has been able to , he has lost the excitement related to the A now. Ignoring your texts is rude , impolite, uncaring and arrogant but honestly what else can one expect from a guy who was in it just for the thrill of it ?

I guess its fair to say that him rejected you is a blessing in disguise. He didnt deserve you .
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 8:11pm

sigh. so much for no contact. He texted yesterday, right after I got off of here. Texting he really needed to c me. I told him two times I was available. Then today? I cancelled. His daughter was killed in a car wreck 3 years ago this month. I can't help but be aware that there may be something to that..but I am so pissed!!!! Did text a while ago and ask if he was busy . He texted immediately saying yes. Then another yes. Then another yes. I texted back Allright. Catch you later. Don't know why I did that? Other than I didn't want another yes.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 8:15pm

I told him two times I was available....uhm..what I meant was two specific times he could choose from. Not "I'm available." "I'm available"

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 10:45pm
Don't be embarassed, it's so normal. Myself, I had an email argument with my AP yesterday, he apparently misunderstood what I wrote and told me not to write to him again. So what did I immediately do ? Right ! I wrote and 2 emails at that ! One of them pretty desperate lol. I was going to post here that he broke up with me, but
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 12:35am

Thanks for the feedback..everyone. I am letting go of the embarassment factor. Can't help what I already did.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 7:34am

Moving myself over to EAS. Want to thank you guys for all your support over the past month as I rode this rollercoaster. I think..I just don't like rollercoasters. Like the man..not the rollercoaster. So trying sincerely to get off this time.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 10:22am
Oh RB, we'll miss you. Feel free to continue to post, I know I would like to hear updates especially as we've been through similar struggles.

With regards to your impulse comment. I've done some work on mine of late. I've learnt at times AP will do/say something to get a reaction out of me (or in his words keep me on my toes!) Initially I would fire off a text, normally which I would later regret. I now walk away, go do something else then a while later will send a nice composed message, which I never regret.
Hope everything works out.