UGH its the thinking that drives me nuts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
UGH its the thinking that drives me nuts
7
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 9:06am

Argh this A stuff is exhausting- and its all my own doing!


Had a lovely lunch on Tuesday, lovely play afternoon Thursday at a hotel, he didnt text me today (Friday) so now I have evil squirrels running around my head telling me he must have gone off me in the last 24hrs.


UGH I hate this part of the A. No matter how great it is- there are always doubts arent there. I mean honestly what more can he do to show me he cares? We are both cake-eaters and Im ok with that. But apparently I also want daily affirmation of his feelings- when did I become so unsure of myself!!!


Thanks for letting me vent xxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 9:13am
You can vent anytime! But you're just being normal. The day after a "play afternoon" is especially sensitive for us. We might not need "daily" affirmation, but we do need a little sign of affection the day after a physical encounter, and that seems to be just when a lot of guys pull back. So it's very frustrating. We're all there with you!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 9:17am

Thanks Lexi


Fair dinkum if I was batting for the other side Id run away with you :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 9:26am
LOL @ that!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 12:37pm
same thing for me here...but we "know" each other...i want that contact after having time with him...just a little contact...and he pulls away a bit. but after i whine and he hides...we look at each other and smile and just deal with the fact that we're both different. i try not to smother, but want him to know that i'm thinking about him...we work together, so sometimes after having "lunch" with him, it's hard. (for him as well, he has to put up with me!) but i try to remind myself that he's still here...btw, we are both cake-eaters as well...and 'happy' like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 1:06pm
You became unsure of yourself when you ventured into a relationship that is not really a relationship. Though many try to act as if they can, the reality is that VERY FEW women can separate sex and emotion. You need the affirmation from him because you are emotionally involved with him, no matter how much you may try to convince yourself otherwise. If you weren't, you wouldn't care. Whereas you spend your time thinking about and fretting over everything after you've had an afternoon "play" date, I have no doubts he thinks about it no more than if he had played a round of golf as his activity. It's the way it is, it goes with the territory, and there's nothing you can do about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 8:56pm

Thanks Sillyme, though Im not sure I totally agree. We definately have feelings for each other but I am naturally a more demonstrative person than he is PLUS he has a lot more guilt and moral issues than me.


Not that I dont have those issues mind you, but his Mum left his Dad when he was a teenager for a man she was having an affair with, and his first wife left him for a man she was having an affair with. So he really struggles with the fact that, of all people, he is now doing this to his partner/children.


I did actually get a short sweet text from him yesterday morning and I knew he was interstate with a colleague for the day. But he normally writes 'have a good weekend' or something similar late Friday afternoon as we have no contact on weekends. He didnt do that yesterday which is when my squirrels began.


I do know he thinks about me (and a bit more than a round of golf) but we are definately facing our own issues

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 12:11pm
lol...the round of golf comment! funny. men CAN be like that. AP surprised me the other day and popped in to say hi when i know he was very busy at a place outside of where we work. he took advantage of having a moment to come and see me. i was so appreciative that he took that time when he didn't have to, i never expected it. but when i tell him that i love to know that i crossed his mind...he is quick to tell me how often i DO cross his mind, he just can't show it. he focuses on the task at hand VERY quickly...i keep telling him to teach me how to disconnect like that, but he laughs at me...people are different and we appreciate the differences (it would be like that in my marriage if H would appreciate my differences instead of expecting me to be like him so much!)...and men and women can definitely be different!