Ugh, was not expecting this dip!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ugh, was not expecting this dip!
16
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 8:27pm
I had a very vivid/realistic dream last night that MM had called me to say he left W and that we could be together - and for some reason all my friends were around and I was telling them this (as if they already knew we had a secret relationship) and they were excited for us. The next morning, though I didn't dream of a wedding, we are married (don't forget, it's a dream, lol) and getting ready to have breakfast, while a female I knew well but couldn't identify was telling me that MM wants a D from me. So, I trip on out to the kitchen, with the female shadowing me, and ask MM if we could talk. The unidentified female blurted out that I didn't believe he wanted to D me, and I went to touch him...he pulled away and said he couldn't talk to me, and I ran in another room and started sobbing. I woke up trying to catch my breath, with tears in my eyes, and I had to think for a moment before I realised it wasn't real. It still seems like it was "real life" and it's been with me all day, ugh!


Does anyone else have such realistic dreams, where it plays in your mind like a movie all day, sometimes re-occuring? I have a couple re-occuring dreams from childhood which I've dreamt ocassionally over the years without trying to, uh, analyze them. And, I've rarely had vivid dreams that stay with me for a long time (usually I forget the details soon after waking) and those were normally about my children's safety. But, since I've been with MM I seem to have a couple of the vivid dreams a month in which I can still recall the details as if they actually happened...and even those re-occuring dreams from childhood have changed after 30+ years of staying the same!, and MM is in one.

My mom used to say that if we told our dream aloud to someone that we wouldn't dream it again - though I still have those re-occuring childhood dreams, maybe this will give me some relief!

Without too much strain I can work out the different facets of my dream - but I am so drained from it, as if I actually went through the emotions. I felt like crying all day! So I get home, and H is in a controlling, argumentative, I-have-to-tell-you-how-little-you-are-worth mood. After weeks of work on keeping a balance and even being happy in some respect, it takes one day to feel myself slipping again. Days like this I could slip off by myself for a week or year. (I don't think most know my story? I started EMA with MM after H asked for a D - H has had many A's throughout our 20+ years of marriage in which I've allowed abuse and control - follow that soap opera, lol?)

But I won't slip off - I'll get the children off to bed, hopefully H will still be gone so I can have a good cry, then I'll pull out my mind-over-matter book, pull up my socks, do something wonderful for myself (other than eat a pound of double chocolate brownies which I had for dinner!), and get through it, one minute at a time! Um, some sympathy and validation of my emotional wrought of mind without being crazy (becuase it is just all mental) would give me a bit of strength, too!

TIA,

Meow

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 9:26pm
HI meow,

Dreams like that suck!! When they seem so real! Try to think happy thoughts, tell you OM and hopefully he'll laugh with you and make you feel better! think about something really good before you go to sleep tonight!

=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 9:39pm
Hi Kitty,

Dreams are just reflections of our subconscious, but they sure can make us miserable the next day. I am a firm believer that dreams mean what YOU think they mean. But I will offer you some suggestions:

On some level, there is the wish that MM would chuck it all and run off with you into the sunset, but there is so much guilt associated with that that in your dream, you had to punish yourself for "going there". The "other woman" who told you that MM didn't want you anymore is a reflection of your fear that MM will reject you or treat you the way he has treated his wife, and she is also a relfection of the fact that you are in a "triangular" relationship that is fraught with "she saids" and "he saids" that you can never really get to the bottom of. The dream is a wish gone terribly awry due to anxiety and guilt.

Maybe some of that will appeal to you. If not, so be it...

I think that your dream will fade and not bother you so much tomorrow. Again, it's just a dream - a message from you to you. It has nothing to do with your MM at all.

Best...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 10:20pm
Meow,

I too have rarely had those kind of dreams that haunt you before. But since MM I have had a few. One especially dark one, where I dreamed MM's wife died, I was at the funeral and looked in the casket and it was ME. I am not a psychologist. (amateur maybe!). But that dream had me freaked out for a day or so. Sent chills down my spine. Obviously affected me, since I can still remember it clearly. Or actually, I remember the feelings I had when I woke up most.

You defijnately are not alone. They say that dreams are the sub-concious's way of dealing with things we can't deal with normally. EMA's are definately hard to deal with awake some days. So I'd guess this is pretty normal!

Hope tomorrow is better! Sweet Dreams!!!!!

CFH

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 10:25pm
Those dreams can really do a # on ya, huh?

It's the same w/ dreams that make you feel

the opposite too: the really wonderful ones.

I have that happen to me w/ dreams all the

time... I often have particularly seemingly

"real" ones that stick w/ me all day whether

I awoke feeling bad or thrilled. I know how

you feel! You try to shake it off, try to

tell yourself that it was only a dream, nothing

like that has happened in your life, but the

feeling is so strong and it stays w/ you all

day. Sometimes even a bit in the next day.

But you know what? It just ends up fading on its

own. I had one last week about OM that I recall

being particularly vivid and "real" and I rem.

waking up w/ such intense emotions that stuck

w/ me all day long. But know what? Right now

I can't even recall WHAT the dream was. I can't

even recall whether it made me feel bad or if it

made me feel terribly thrilled (I THINK it had

made me feel very happy, I think it had been a

very lovey, "finally together" sort of dream, but

I wouldn't bet $ on it).

Before you know it, you won't even rem. the dream

at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 11:24pm
Did you have that good cry? I hope you're feeling better.

I think you should analyze your dreams... although I don't think they are necessarily pre-escient, I do think they tell you what's jumbling together in your mind and offer you a point for exploration.

And I agree w/Yoga... in many ways your dream is what you make it to be. But since it comes from your own psyche, it's up to you to figure out where it belongs and either box it back up or let it go, work through it, explore. Part of the frustration is that you're wound up over something that is literally all in your head! And it triggers a bunch of "what ifs"... which you can fight off if you can see why you came up with that scenario in the first place!

Take this as an opportunity, Meow! I know you like things neat and stacked evenly in those boxes... but I think you threw some of those boxes out a while ago! I know you're the ultimate one for logic and common sense... which may be why such a vivid dream threw you for such an emotional loop. So go with it. Cry. Think. Dissect. Once you ponder, you separate what's real from what isn't. And you feel better.

Funny you should mention dreams, though, as I have been replaying one for a few weeks now. The dream was intense. And although it has not repeated, I *have* had a SEQUEL to that dream! Yes, really... I do analyze and review my dreams, and I've had very emotional ones that leave me bent out of shape for days, but part of trying to figure them out to some semblance of my own satisfaction is what helps me put such an intense psychic experience behind me. I'm still figuring these dreams out, and once I get past the impact, the detective work is illuminating and fun.

Hugs to you, Meow. I miss seeing you around here and am glad you stopped in! Love and support always awaits you here!

take care,

lily of the slumbering valley...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 12:24am
Meow hon... I hope by now that you've had a really good cry and it's all out of your system. I'm afraid I'm not much good when it come to analysing and dissecting dreams... I know I've had a few in my time that I can only say are just plain... weird!!

I've not really had many recurring ones... although in the last year or so I know that I've replayed some very similar ones from my child hood. I too have had dreams about MM and I... dreams where I somehow meet his wife and the truth all comes out... I've yet to actually see an ending to them as I wake up right about then.

I think dreams are just our mental thoughts coming our in pictures... if that makes sense??? but who really knows.

thinking of you hon and sending lots of luv and hugs your way

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 9:50am
Good morning, Meow! I hope you had sweeter

dreams last night and are feeling better!

Ironically enough, the post I wrote you last

night was one of the last things I did before

going to bed and all night long I had a horrible

sleep. I've had a lot on my mind regarding things

w/ OM the past few days. I wasn't really discussing

them w/ anyone until last night OWIR and I had a

long chat and she was really helpful. Needless to

say, I didn't think I'd dream about OM and I at all

last night and every single time I fell asleep, I

had a dream about things that have been on my mind.

I'd wake up and have that "oh no" feeling and just

be all nervous and stuff and finally fall back to

sleep and have a similar dream of he and I all over

again. That went on ALL NIGHT LONG. So now i really

feel how you felt yesterday! I know nothing in real

life happened, but just can't shake the icky nervous

and anxious feeling.

Just figured I'd share as it was kind of weird that

I haven't had that happen in a while and then it

happened all last night. Hope you have a great day!

Well... off to work for me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:28pm
Meow, your dream in generally reflection of your life at the subconscious level. I don't know much about analyzing dream, but it seems to me that you may have a communication problem with your MM, maybe? Its interesting to note that the "female figure" in the background seem to controlling your actions and thoughts rather MM himself. I don't know your situation much, maybe there is somebody who knows your MM (ie, his wife) that you think is going be messing up your future relationship with him? Hope what I said made sense. I have had a lot of vivid dreams like you that left me shaken up for couple of days with their intensity. Hope you are feeling much better now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 12:06pm
Thanks Lexy,

I did *not* tell MM about my dream, lol! I do tell him about some of my dreams, but he might find an interpretation out of this dream that is different than I see. And, his version might stay at the back of his mind.

I say that to my children, too, to think of something good, lol. But you're right - I should be putting good thoughts in my mind before sleeping, not trying to work through things as I tend to do...must remember that!

Thanks, Lexy, for your support!

Meow

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 2:56am
Hi Yoga,

I agree with you, in that we interpret our own meanings from our dreams. I think dreams are merely the subconscious playing back memories, thoughts, experiences, etc. and when we awake the conscious analyzes them. I don't know that the subconscious has the ability to reason or make decisions.

Nope, your analysis isn't my analysis, lol. Although the dream didn't have anything to do with MM directly, the part where he couldn't talk to me probably stemmed from the fact that we had an interrupted conversation and couldn't finish it before my dream.

The emotions of the dream has faded...life has a way of doing that. Now, almost a week later, I feel it wasn't so much the dream, as my reaction to it, how I let the emotions control me, that bothered me...since I am sensitive of my relationship with H (the control, mind games, etc), and trying to understand that whole concept so that I don't allow control or abuse *ever* again. I guess sometimes I think there is a key and start analyzing, when really it will come to me eventually.

The actual details of the dream, as well as other dreams I've had of MM are still very vivid, and those re-occuring dreams too. And, I don't know why - the mind is beyond me! Hmmm, when I finally get some "me" time, perhaps I should take some psychology classes for the excuse to analyze, lol.

Thanks for your response, Yoga.

Meow





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