Unbelievably hurt
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Unbelievably hurt
| Fri, 05-01-2009 - 7:53pm |
Hi all,
I wrote earlier how my AP's daughter found texts to him from a 'married woman'.
| Fri, 05-01-2009 - 7:53pm |
Hi all,
I wrote earlier how my AP's daughter found texts to him from a 'married woman'.
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Um...Yes, actually...does sound like he loves you dearly & trying to be as true to himself & mature as possible.
Ok-I'll explain it this way...what if the shoe were on the other foot & you were waiting for HIM to leave HIS marriage? AND -add to that, if you had a child, adult or otherwise, whom you love with all your heart & soul & believe with the same conviction you did your best to teachthem wrong, right, values & morals? Does it make it any clearer if thought about from that perspective?--Oh--I know--It probably hurts no less...FOR SURE!-But understand better?
I have read lots of posts on here from women who are not sure they should wait it out for MM to leave his W, knowing full well (& saying so) that they don't really believe it will ever happen.
As for my AP & I...we are on the same playing field for now...both married. I am putting together a plan to leave my M. But financial issues have made the realization that if I were to leave-this moment-I would be filing Bankruptcy...My H too. & there is no abuse or other "immediate" reason for me to leave. As for my AP...he makes good money...has property, etc. His W does not work. Also some financial liabilities he needs some time to work out. NOT work out of...but what would be fair.--
I said that to say-as I have previously, when my circumstance changes-but if his does not...then we would be
Scot...wow this is a tough one for me.
Yes--this is the kindest, most unselfish thing a person could do. You have to know he is hurting too. But it also hurts to wait around for someone to leave an M and suspect they never will.
I imagine if you make concrete plans to leave (see an attorney, file, etc) and fill him in on what you are doing, he may respond. It's just too hard to sit around in limbo and wait. Three years is a long time.
It may also be helpful to have him temporarily out of the way while you deal with all this. A D is incredibly painful and having someone else involved in that process is not fair to them.
Good luck--I really think he did the right thing. Instead of focusing on how you feel, think about what he is going through. He did what we tell people on here all the time.."Tell the AP to come back with D papers in hand." You have to admire his courage.
Hi goddess_starsong1,
Thank you so much for your reply.
Hi maystone,
Thank you also for your reply, it is great to have the perspective of a single AP!
Well, he just called and said he has been really busy, he couldn't talk he was making a presentation (I heard him being paged to the podium!) but he was not trying to ignore me and it had only been a few days!
When we talked it seemed like it would not be total NC, but we really needed to cool it so I could focus on what I wanted to do.
Thanks so much snowstorm!
You are right.
(( hugs ))
Hi scottishcherokee...
Oh-you're so welcome!...It really is a difficult situation you're in & BOY!-DO I ever feel ya' sista'! LOL!
Although I am currently working, the job isn't great.-No medical benefits. Those come from H's job. I had a hysterectomy in Jan. which was emotionally devastating for me. My AP. was INCREDIBLE during this time!-But it left a really big financial hole. Add 8 yrs of other expenses (yep-son in college, too) & A complete understanding of CD releases (part time singer/writer myself) I get it!
That's why I did what I did...I implemented a plan for taking care of our joint debt & my medical bills. It has to do with settlement-but at least it isn't bankruptcy! But it will still take--at best--3 yrs to complete. I would be just devastated
Oh good...I'm glad you were able to touch base with him!
I have had that same thought about my AP and have somewhat verbalized it.
I tend to agree with the other posters. What he did was the most unselfish and kindest thing he can do for himself and for you.
In fact, I think I'm going to borrow what he said to you to use on my AP.
Your AP sounds very smart because he's right. Him being involved with you is making your marriage 'bearable' and he loves you so much that he's willing to let you go to work things out so in the end you two can be together, if that is how its meant to be.
I wish you the best in life and that you are able to deal with these decisions.
Thank you maystone and lost.
I am seeing now that you are all right.
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