uncertain, end-point, and not unhappy
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| Tue, 05-11-2004 - 3:59pm |
This is an interesting thread, actually more than one. I am a "not-unhappily" married man of 21 years and 46 years old as well. I have flirted with an associate, not the same company but related, for about 6 years. She is 40 and got divorced about 6 months ago. We recently had a one night EMA at a conference. We only see each other about five times each year, but have occaission to talk two to three times a month. So anyway, the next day we had a chance to talk about what happened the night before, and I asked the end-point question. How will it end if we continue with the EMA every 2 or 3 months? Why would we even do this? I am not unhappy in my M, my wife is a great person and friend of 25 years, and I have no intention of leaving my family. But I have fantasized about this OW for 6 years, and as it turns out she has done the same with me, the fantasy come reality was awesome for both of us. She said that she would take it for what its worth, and that eventually one of us will fade away. Our next encounter will be in 4 weeks, and I am trying to decide to continue or end it with the one night as a great memory. She told me that I was the "gold standard".. lol (huge ego boost)...so she will continue as long as I am willing, but will understand if I don't. So I have rambled on here, but the end-point question, "not-unhappy" comments, feeling of guilt for doing it, but huge desire to continue, makes me so uncertain, even in my post (as you all can see). So with all that said, I will accept any comments or advice. Sometimes I say you only live once, enjoy this time and opportunity. Other times I say, I have made a committment to M and shouldn't be doing this (catholic guilt). Any thoughts?

Of course we SHOULD all tell you not to do it, to work on your marriage...but who am I to tell you this!:)
Not helping much, am I?!
Sweetie, If you are on this board after only 1 encounter, then it's a 1 night stand, not an EMA; YET! We all want our egos boosted. We all feel desire one time or another, but if your emotional red flags are flapping already, you are going to be one of those that lands on their butt, not their feet. Your guilt will eventually consume you, and you will lose a good friend taboot. Think very carefully about this, and try to look down that road of potential destruction with a keen eye; preferably after a VERY COLD shower :)
**Terri**