Unsure if this is the right board for me, giving it a try. Please take the time to read.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
Unsure if this is the right board for me, giving it a try. Please take the time to read.
5
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 7:05pm

Like the subject line says I am unsure if this is the RIGHT board for me, I've read some of the posts, and looked at some of the other boards.

A few years ago I created an account, and posted on a board about my situation (then) and faced much scrutiny about the situation, so obviously that was NOT the right board for me, and I gave up on posting about it.

Now is seems that I am faced with it all again, and have even considered counseling, but wanted to try this first.

First of all I am in a relationship, and have been with a wonderful man for 4 years. We do have our problems, but it is what it is. My problem is not with my marriage, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009

Even though you don't want to talk about your M, a big reason you are still pining for this guy is that something's lacking at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
I think your case is a litlle different than normal . You have cheated in every relationship with him , last you saw him in 2008 ,and still dream about him daily ? Seriously it doesn't look like it is your M that is the problem if you cheated on every partner you had been with , its something else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2012

If the attraction/ draw isn't mutual than you need to find a way to get over him and stop obsessing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2012
I did have contact with him in september. It was the first time I had seen him since 2008 like I said. All communication has stopped since december 2.. I have been able to go a day or so without thinking about him, but when that happens it hits me like a ton of bricks when the thought of him creeps back in. I have been in 3 serious relationships, the first 4 years, the second 6 years, and my current 4 yrs (H). And in every of these relationships I have been with him.
I have not had an A just because something was lacking in my relationship(s), like I said its just been him. I have had other opportunities to have an A with other men and was sickened by the thought of "another man".
I honestly can not attest to his attraction or draw to me. That's something that neither of us would ever discuss, I suppose neither of us wanted to be vulnerable. He has asked me multiple times in the past why we kept in touch, and I've redirected the question to him until one of us changed the subject.
What I can attest to is the fact that in my life, I have never had another man kiss me, or make me feel the way he does. And I've been no stranger to other men in the past.
I know that it would be hard for me to leave my H. But if I knew I could I would be with the other man in a second, and deal with the consequences later.
I have made no plans to contact him. We have gone up to a year and a half before without a word. I guess I'll just keep trying to forget and/or let go. I've watched eat/pray/love a dozen times trying to memorize the scene where she let's her ex go and he says "I still love you", she said "so love me, send me light and love every time you think of me..." And when I think of him I try this....
I just feel crazy everyday over this, that's why I've considered therapy. I just do not know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

Can you say how does he kiss you that other men don't even come close to that? I don't think kissing is that big of an art form as the media wants us to believe.. ;) and keep in mind that restaurant food tastes or feels so good because it's an occasional treat.