Update....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Update....
13
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:31am
Firstly can I say I'm happy for a bit of banter on my posts.

I went out with AP last night. It was strange, I would touch him and he'd pull away. Things were different. By the end of the night I had total meltdown, not sure what got into me but said I couldn't do it anymore. He didn't say anything to reassure me just let me speak.
So today we text. I said I need some time he said he can't put me through it anymore. I need to leave it now, I feel like a pathetic little thing asking for him to talk to me,let me explain but he won't. That's it we're done, part of me knows it's for the best.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:53am

Titch, sorry I don't have much time (it's 2am and I need to get some zzzz, have a big day tomorrow) but will briefly say that what I see in your posts lately is the continuous 'push & pull', so common in affairs, AP and I use to do that on a monthly basis in the first year. The routine would be we would get very close, then one of us would pull back because of fear, then we would end it, then we could not handle being apart, then it was back on again......wash, rinse, repeat (Sunny, 2011).

You're not pathetic, you are in deep with this man and feel the need to explain, he is in deep with you, he knows what you will say, the words are too hard to hear for him. He is feeling exactly what you are, you both have the same amount to lose.

Titch, I have to go if the posters are slow with a response search for 'push and pull' on this board there are lots of threads offering insight.

Take care and talk soon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:16am
Titchy,
He's going through the motions of possibly losing you so I feel he's trying to draw some distance so to protect his heart. He stated "he can't put you through it anymore". He's in pain seeing you hurting because of this and he doesn't want to cause you heartache.
Don't feel pathetic you want to know that he's ok and you want to explain but right now you need to give him space to get his mind right.

Hugs!

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:51am

(((hugs))) titchy!

I just finished reading your post from the 19th....what on earth happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 2:01pm

Thanks all. I'm not doing too good. I am beating myself up about my little meltdown, if i kept my mouth shut things would be good today. I obviously couldn't take it anymore, it was me who ended it, i really don't know where it came from. Yes, i've back tracked but he is just keeps saying it's not fair on me, he doesn't want me to feel like this anymore, it's for the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 3:01pm

Titchy...So sorry you are going through this again!!

You know I just recently went through a similar version of this with my (x)AP..it is still so hard to write that!

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:27pm

Hugs titchy! Don't beat yourself up too much about the meltdown. It happens to everyone. And really, a person can only take so much. The constant push and pull is exhausting and emotionally taxing. Also, it's not as if your AP hasn't had a few of his little meltdowns! I think he really is afraid. Afraid of showing you how deep in he is, afraid of losing control, afraid of you leaving him rather than him leaving you, yet knowing there is no where for this relationship to go....he is hurting as much as you are, and this is how he deals with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 5:35am

Thanks guys.

RB...kudos to you for the big delete.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to: titchy123
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 8:07am
Titchy, big hugs, I am sorry you are going through this. Only your AP knows what truly motivates his behaviors. You can only be truly accountable for yours. The push and pull is a painful thing, no matter which direction you go, take care of yourself. You can't change AP, only yourself. It seems like reality always gets a grip on us, forcing a reaction, don't beat yourself up over your meltdown. I wish you peace.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 8:18am

Oh, Titchy, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all this turmoil. I know it all too well and it's not fun.

I can't really add anything more than the other ladies have written, other than to mention, please take care of YOU. This is a difficult time, and I know all about 'being tired' of it all. I think that helps in some way - it does me - to stay strong. I haven't been around in a while so I'm not exactly sure what's been happening recently with you but I wanted to pop in and say to hang in there and be strong. It DOES get easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
In reply to: titchy123
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 1:54pm
I'm so damn angry at the moment! We had a little contact today. He 'reasons' for treating me like he did...my feelings were so strong I didn't know how to cope with them. I'm not going to tell you anymore because you won't understand. I thought if I could drive you away and we weren't together the issues would disappear. I'm surprised you didn't do it months ago!
Come on, is this really acceptable behavior? Yes, I did put up with it...too long.

Pages