Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Update
6
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:12am
Well, I took the advice of many of the girls on here and backed off from OM for a while. To recap, I was feeling hurt and confused, as after every time OM and I were intimate, he said it was the last time, couldn't do that to fiancee, just wants to be friends, etc. Well, last week he e-mailed and called to go out for drinks. I SAID NO!!! I was so proud of myself! I told him I had other plans and wasn't free.

That was last Wednesday. Since then, I have received over a dozen e-mails, calls and text messages to my cell phone, and calls to my house phone (my H works late and isn't home before 10, usually). He even offered to bring me some chocolate at work when I was having a bad day.

So...here is my dilemma...a group of people that we are mutual friends with are going out for drinks this week. OM has asked if I am going. I was planning on going, and would really like to go see OM as well as the rest of the group. However, I worry that at the end of the night temptation will take over and I'll be right back where I started. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I am extremely attracted to OM and really care about him.

Any advice? I think I really want to prove that we can be just friends. I know it will be hard, but I think this is what I have to do to protect myself. What if I slip? What if we do kiss (it wouldn't be anything more than that at this point)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:24am
If you feel this way, don't even go! if you put yourself in the postition where you know you might slip there will always be that "chance" it might happen. It sounds like you have your head on straight and know where you are going. Good for you! If you really want to break off, then occupy yourself in other things; get busy. Don't give yourself any free time to slip if you don't want it to happen. Good luck to ya!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:07am
Well, I'm telling you from personal experience that I have tried to be just friends with my MM, and I failed miserably. We were good friends well before we started sleeping together, and this summer I tried to distance myself for six excruciating weeks. The first second we were alone together I literally pounced on him! So I would suggest steering clear of your OM unless you either want him again or you have a lot more will power than I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:14am
You've gotten to that 'spice' point... now he's panting after you instead of the other way around and isn't it exciting? But you still need to decide what you want. Can't say for sure, but my guess is that if you give in you will end up right back where you started. He will be feeling guilty, will try and back off, you'll become more attached, etc., etc., etc. Honey, in my opinion I would give it just a bit more distance. He needs to make up his mind... unless of course you are content with being the OW, and he's done doing his yes-no-yes-no dance. The most important thing is to protect your heart from unhappiness. What will make you the most content? Let us know how you do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:20pm
Thanks for all of the replies and support. I guess some of what you all mentioned is a large part of the problem. I *do* want him, and I *do* want to continue the A. I only backed off because he kept waffling back and forth as to what to do. Honestly, I do think that we could be just friends, although there may always be that "tension" there.

Saturdaysister - I think I am going to take your advice and back off even a bit more. I was able to do it for the past week, I really feel that I can continue. It won't be easy, but I'll try. So far, I have been answering his e-mails and took 2 of his many phone calls, but I just turn my cell phone off most of the time, and he leaves a message. Maybe this will help both of us to sort things out. He can figure out what the heck he wants, and I can try and figure out what I want.

As for the group happy hour, I may go for a bit, but leave early. He usually stays out later, and him and several of the other guys in the group are usually the last to leave. So I may make an appearance, chat a bit with some of the others, then leave. Of course I'll make sure I look drop dead gorgeous before going out. I am hoping it will make him crazy! ;)

Thanks again for all of the support! This is all new to me, and I need all the support I can get. I'll keep you all posted.

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:20pm
Good girl, Circe -- and don't forget about making yourself happy and content! Make him slobber honey!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:22pm
Put on your best bling-bling and shake what God gave you, hon!