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Update
| Wed, 01-07-2004 - 2:47pm |
Hi everyone!!! I was posting on Ending an Affair and some people were saying they'd missed me here, so I thought I'd post an update here as well. I'm just a mess. Just for a refresher... I have been having an emotional A with a co-worker since May of last year. We've gotten to the point where we were discussing meeting outside work a couple of times, but that freaks him out. So now... I'm just not sure. Right before the holidays he pulled back and I, quite frankly, had gotten sick of it all. I'm now at the same place he is, where I'm feeling like we can't be together without hurting everyone we love most, we don't want sex on the side, so what's the point? I've been TRYING to avoid him since we returned but it's not working. Every corner I turn, he's there. Today I'd vowed NC, but I went to meet my friend for lunch and all of a sudden he materialized. (I'm pretty sure he heard my voice and came around deliberately.) Whatever the case, the New Years' Resolution I made was not to "Feed the Monster" anymore. I'm not calling him, not dropping by to see him, nothing. If he wants to pursue a friendship, that's fine but I'm through with this all-give-no-take stuff. So far me not calling him doesn't seem to be bothering him too much but he's always been laid back about that stuff. I was hoping to just not see him for a while and see how I felt, but obviously that's not going to work! I just don't know what to do. I don't want sex on the side with him... I thought that was what I wanted but I just don't think I could live with myself. But I can't hurt my husband and everyone would disapprove if we got together. We'd destroy everything we have. So there's really no way out of this. Cooling it is my only option.

i'm very proud of you for sticking to your guns and not opening the door to MM!!
come back often and let us know how you're doing, 'cause we love you!
gurl
And thank you, gurl, for your kind words. I'll be here often, I'm sure. I know as soon as I eject him from my life he'll come running back. I just have to keep him at arm's length...somehow.
I've followed your story over that last several months, and I just wanted to add my support to your decision to keep MM at arms length. Stay strong, and best wishes that this year will being you much happiness.
Hugs,
Annika
Brightest Blessings, Annika
My New Year's Resolution was not to feed this monster and I plan to stick to that but he's not making it easy. Every time I see him, every conversation I have with him, he just stares at me like he is star struck, like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I keep talking as though I don't notice and eventually he stops, but Friday he just came out and said, "You're so pretty." He also touched me on my bare back when I was standing near him. Each time he asks, "I shouldn't have done that, should I?" With the touch I just shrugged and said, "I'm not the person to answer that question." With the compliment, I said, "I'm not going to turn down a compliment." That's when he got really disturbed and said, "Don't you want me anymore?" I said, "Yes, but I've come to the realization that nothing can be done about it. EVER. So what's the point?" He said, "Ever is a long time." I changed the subject and that was that. The problem is, he specifically told me a while back that when I don't respond to his come-ons, it makes him try harder because it's a challenge. I don't WANT him to try harder. I want to stay where we are now, with him looking at me like that every time he sees me, with him telling me how beautiful I am, but NOT with us talking about what we want to do to each other. I just want to stay on the other side of that line. Is that possible? Because if I give in and go down that same path I've gone down before over and over again, in a couple of weeks he's not going to be speaking to me again and I'm going to be crying all the time. I'm trying to break the cycle. Am I on the right path??? I just don't know if I'm qualified to string a guy along, only giving him just enough of me to keep him interested.
you don't have to chase MM or make yourself "the challenge" unless you want to progress to more sexual contact down the road. if you want to keep the A at the emotional/flirting level, you'll always be saying "no!"
good luck with that!
gurl
Lilah,
I'd been thinking about you. I think I've come to the same conclusion. If he's so guilt ridden at the thought, then what's the point of persuing this relationship. I've pulled back and he's persued me a little more, but still not wanting to give, "the whole package". I don't want to play that emotional game. It's enough stress, drama, and "rollercoaster emotions" when you are involved with each other on all levels equally...this on again/off again...hot/cold sh!t is for the birds! I hear ya sista! LOL! So new year...new focus...new beginnings.