Update on Big Night and Since Then . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Update on Big Night and Since Then . . .
12
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 5:43pm
MM and I "did the deed" on Wednesday night. Because of cirsumstances that fell through, we wound up doing it in the car. Not ideal, and we discussed waiting, but our hormones took over so the car it was! It was really great :o)

Didn't think we'd be getting together again until next week, but MM got into a big fight with his W the next day, which continued well into Friday afternoon. MM tells me he plans to go out and blow off steam. I was concerned that MM was going to do something stupid, so I let him know that I could go out for the evening.

I expected MM to be in a terrible, miserable, complaining kind of mood. Except for being quiet for the first 45 minutes or so, he was in a surprisingly decent mood, which he attributed to being with me!

We went out for a light dinner and drinks. Now I have to say, I LOOKED DAMN GOOD, and MM couldn't take his eyes off of me! He was sweet, and flirty, and suggestive, and seemed genuinely touched by my concern for him :o)

After that, we drove around and eventually wound up at his business (ah, the advantages of being the boss!) Anyways, for the next several hours we wound up, well, you know! It was fantastic, and he exhibited the perfect mix of being a wild man and yet tender at the same time! Truly, a perfect evening!

Next day he calls and checks in on me. MM and W have simmered down, so it winds up that the four of us get together much later that evening. DH and I noticed right away that his W did not appear to be in a good mood from the moment they arrived at our condo. W looked teary and irritated. Everyone knows she goes to bed early, so we attributed it to that. When they declined going out for some late-night dancing at a new club near our condo, I made a little joke that "you two need to go home and put each other to bed!" My DH chimed in a with a little laugh and remarked, "yep, they can't keep up with us old folks" (we are older than they).

Next thing you know MM and W are having an argument right in our living room! It was very uncomfortable for DH and I -- DH and I give each other this look like "hey, maybe WE should leave?" (but it's our place, so that seemed like a bad idea). The W really chewed him out, and my DH and I both felt sorry for him.

Here's the kicker . . . MM just called me and says he can only talk for a second, but wants me to stop making remarks to his W and the bedtime issue, because they fought about it the whole way home. I'm, of course, stunned, because it was an innocent remark, and everybody is aware how tired and rundown she's been lately, so requiring more sleep is hardly some deep dark secret! Plus, WHY did she agree to go out so late at night if it was going to be a problem?! And DH and I played the comment off on ourselves, by intimating that we're night owls, which we are!

I was so taken aback, and a bit hurt, that I said "Don't worry, you'll never hear another word about it out of my mouth, because I doubt the four of us will be getting together again anytime soon." MM got pissed and was like "Fine, we'll never do that again." So I tried to diffuse the situation and said "Look, I didn't mean it that way -- but it was clear your W was upset from the moment she walked in, and I don't like having to walk on eggshells all night."

Now before anyone raises this point, NO, neither MM nor I believe his W is on to the fact that we are having an EMA. She's just so incredibly weird and moody lately, and is projecting blame on everything around her, instead of examining her own behavior.

I told DH about what MM said to me, and he was pissed off about it, and thought MM was out of line, and that the W was overreacting. DH is a very sensitive guy, and is always very sympathetic and gives people the benefit of the doubt, too.

I don't think things are now completely screwed up between MM and I, as I certainly don't want them to be, especially after the wonderful night we had together recently!!!! I know he will check-in with me later, and I'm wondering how to react? I figure staying on a even keel, and not letting on how upset I was, is the best course of action (hey, the opposite reaction of his W has to be a relief to him, eh?! LOL!)

I do want to stay friends with them, separate from the EMA that MM and I may be having.

Sorry for the length, and combining these two posts. But because of the short timeline of events, I thought it was important to frame it this way.

I don't know that I am looking for advice -- but perhaps perspective would be helpful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 1:11pm
oh my god -- my MM just called to tell me he's playing golf with my BF and i didn't even know. total surprise here. talk about closeness.... my life just gets weirder and weirder. whew!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 1:18pm
You said you wanted to hear from posters who socialize with their MM's W - and I am one of them. Back when I was in an affair with exMM, we used to socialize with them, they had me as a houseguest several times, our children were friends.

The ending was very, very ugly. I feel so sorry for her - all that time that she suspected something, and then to find out she was right. She must have felt stupid and awful.

All I can say is that this woman is clearly very troubled by something that is going on at home, and if she wants to have lunch with you, it is most likely because she wants to try to put her finger on the pulse of it. I would steer clear of her, make excuses, don't have lunch, don't spend time with her or them as a couple. It is just so ugly.

Perhaps if you did love the guy and wanted to try to ultimately be together, there would be more reason for you to justify what you are doing, but at this point, it's just sex, as you say in your post, you don't even know if you love him and you don't even know if he loves you, and frankly, what it sounds like is that you are tormenting this woman for what amounts to some hot sex and flirtation. Think about it.

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