Flygal, you should do what's best for you, not for him. Staying friends is ok as long as you are seeing other people and generally moving on with your life. I hate NC and LC is my way of breaking things off and waiting out until emotions are settled, but it's just me. If you're afraid he'll forget about you in just a few short months, then this man is just not worth your attention altogether.
Good luck to you. It does sound like he is hesitant to press on with the D.
Don't see how you could possibly remain friends with him if he goes back to his wife. There's no way she'll allow it, and if he goes behind her back and lies to her about it, then what's the point of going back at all? Furthermore, why would you want it? I say if he wants to go back, then you end it for good. No "friends", no phone calls, texts, emails or drive-bys. Just end it like you would any other relationship. The ship just sails. You can do it.
"So I guess I'm wondering if I stayed in the picture "as friends" would that keep me forefront in his mind so he doesnt forget about me? Or is it more in my favor to cut off all contact and really make him miss me? LOL I know these are silly ? but I am just getting so frustrated I dont know what to think. "
It would be much better to walk away and start getting on with your life. If you hang round "being friends" he will have no incentive to leave, and he won't. He's already said "but we can stay friends can't we?" which says to me he's thinking about going back and working on his marriage but wants to know he can continue to use you as an emotional (if not sexual) prop. You are only in limbo because you want to be.
My take is a little different. Break ups take time to sort through. M break ups, where the couple have been M for a long time are going to take even longer, there's a lot of history to move past. I've been separated six months from H but I am only just starting think clearly now.
Don't pressure him right now. His asking you to be friends is likely asking you not to pressure him and he will probably flip between wanting you and wanting to go back to W a few times. If he does return to her, then that is different, you need to go NC, but unless that happens, step back and give him some room to get his act together.
Flygal, you should do what's best for you, not for him. Staying friends is ok as long as you are seeing other people and generally moving on with your life. I hate NC and LC is my way of breaking things off and waiting out until emotions are settled, but it's just me. If you're afraid he'll forget about you in just a few short months, then this man is just not worth your attention altogether.
Good luck to you. It does sound like he is hesitant to press on with the D.
(((Hugs)))
Vivacious
Wow!
My personal opinion is that NC is the way to go. I have told him numerous times if he goes back we are over.
"So I guess I'm wondering if I stayed in the picture "as friends" would that keep me forefront in his mind so he doesnt forget about me? Or is it more in my favor to cut off all contact and really make him miss me? LOL I know these are silly ? but I am just getting so frustrated I dont know what to think. "
It would be much better to walk away and start getting on with your life. If you hang round "being friends" he will have no incentive to leave, and he won't. He's already said "but we can stay friends can't we?" which says to me he's thinking about going back and working on his marriage but wants to know he can continue to use you as an emotional (if not sexual) prop. You are only in limbo because you want to be.
Remember - he can't miss you if you're there.
D x
My take is a little different. Break ups take time to sort through. M break ups, where the couple have been M for a long time are going to take even longer, there's a lot of history to move past. I've been separated six months from H but I am only just starting think clearly now.
Don't pressure him right now. His asking you to be friends is likely asking you not to pressure him and he will probably flip between wanting you and wanting to go back to W a few times. If he does return to her, then that is different, you need to go NC, but unless that happens, step back and give him some room to get his act together.
Pisces
Edited 11/23/2008 7:44 pm ET by pisces2008
hmm, interesting comment about the limbo thing. I gues you can also say this applies to him as well, he is only in limbo because he wants to be.
thanks for the insight!
flygal
Hi Flygal -
You have gotten some great input - and I just thought I'd throw my thoughts into the mix for you too.
IF he goes back to W - then I believe you have to go NC - for your sake and his as well.