I wanted to thank everyone sincerly for the support you all gave to me yesterday. I also wanted to give you an update on my situation. Here'goes...I met him last night and we exchanged some small talk for a bit then he started venturing his way up my skirt and I stopped him. He was squatted down in front of me and when I stopped him he playfully started whining...then I told him "the only reason you should be in that position is to beg for me to not kick your ass to the curb"...his shoulders dropped, he shook his head side to side and stood up slowly and he said "that was the wrong choice of words to use with me." I could tell I hurt him badly but it was good because it brought some emotion out of him finally. He was VERY mad and hurt but he finally opened up and explained to me why he doesnt call when he's supposed to and why he doesnt have more time to spend with me. We talked about his schedule and his responsibilities which are extremely plentiful. He truly is a man spread thin but since he was able to open up to me last night FINALLY, I have a much better understanding of who he is and why he's chosen to add me to his mix. He described our relationship as "a beautiful little, perfect little fantasy" he said "then there's reality." He said he only does 2 things for HIM and everything else he does it for other people or because he has to. Fortunately our relationship is one of the 2 things he chooses to do for himself. Although his communication is poor I learned last night that I am on his mind a great deal of the time and I also know just how disappointed he is when our plans get changed also. It didnt sound to me like he has a much better time when he can't call me that I have. On top of just not being able to see me he has alot of time to think about how upset he knows Im gonna be on top of his own disappointment.
With all of this said...I think I have figured out a way to find some balance for both of us. Instead of me pursuing our meetings and then ending up disappointed I think if I let him do the pursuing that my level of expectation doesnt get falsely raised. This way I'm not constantly bugging him to meet me which will reduce his stress and I'm certain that he'll want to see me as often as he can, probably moreso with less pressure. Sometimes I know my persistence almost pushes him into trying to see me even when he knows it's not likely to work out. By doing this I will get fulfillment by him initiating our meetings and that way I just go on with my regular routine and dont have to face the constant disappointments. Im going to give this a try for now. It will be better for me emotionally and mentally if I relieve myself of so much of this pressure and disappointment . Thoughts? Suggestions?
enjoy the peace,
gurl
Liberal
take care,
gurl
The deal is that we are SOOOOO very careful to not raise any suspisions that sometimes we dont take enough risks but Id rather be safe than sorry...
Im gonna tell him Id really like to see him once every week or two if he can really try to work that out and that I'll let him know when Im most available as soon as I find out about openings in my schedule when DH is occupied with other things. We'll give it a try and see how it works!
have fun,
gurl
Liberal
i'm so grateful for whatever time we get together because we're both really busy people. and we communicate all the time, by phone, every day. if we can't actually talk, we leave messages even on the weekends. we haven't acutally argued, more like him being upset about miscommunications. i make it okay by talking him down from the anger ledge.
we started as fwbs, but of course, progressed to much, much more over time. MM is my friend, as well as lover. i've been totally honest with him about what i need and want, and i take his feelings into account, but do not change any plans for him. he's a little jealous when i go out with my girlfriends (which isn't that often, maybe once a month) because he doesn't know where i am or what i'm doing, but i make sure to let him know i'm thinking of him and having a good time, at the same time. i try to cut through the crap so neither one of us feels the other is being less than honest. sometimes i have to pull MM's thoughts out of him, but patience and persistence usually work to clear the air.
see ya,
gurl