Update... No better

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2010
Update... No better
14
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 2:39pm

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for your support an advice from my first post. I wanted to post an update, though, I'm really not in any better state of mind.

So... I've been seeing AP for a month. It turned serious quickly... I love yous were exchanged, he wants a future for us. I can't help but want it too.

But I know I owe my H a chance... a chance to see if we can make it work. He will try, I know he will. But I know his personality will never change... and I think that's what I'm falling in love with with AP.

I am so confused. I have no idea if this issue is from me, or if it really is a symptom of a problem in my marriage. My H is wonderful to me, so kind, so supportive - everything anyone could ask. But I'm afraid it's not enough; my personality demands more, and that's something AP has given me.

So my choice... I devestate a man I truly love and care about for the risk of the unknown... ruin a family, hurt people... or I suck it up, spend my life content but always wondering if it could or should be better.... or I follow my heart. It sickens me to hurt people, hurt my H, who I love... but it's unfair to him to cheat behind his back, isn't it? Or maybe this is my way of figuring out who I am and what I want... or maybe compromise and settling and acceptance is what marriage is?

This is so, so painful....

Thank you in advance for your help, your replies, and your honesty.

Abby

p.s. i'm 28. h is 29. ap is 33.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 3:03pm

Abby...(HUG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 4:38pm

Hi Abby


I feel like I wrote this post because like you my H is wonderful,

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 4:49pm

Abby,


Sounds to me like the issue is with you, as it is with me. I have a wonderful, loving, loyal husband. He doesn't drink or womanize. He is a fabulous father, a good lover and good provider. But do you think that's enough for me? Nope. Last September I fell into an A with an

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 8:32pm

What a great post alwayst2, i think i could have written most of that too wrt loyal, wonderful husbands and my selfish need for excitment. My M is 22 years and we have known each other 28years, so a long and contented history, a good marriage

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 6:47am

Fantastic post always


Exactly the same here- fantastic husband, great life, senseless but addictive A. After an initially overwhelming start, we are now in a comfortable affair. And I also thought of leaving H for AP. Soooooooo happy I didnt! As I get to know AP better- he has a raft of faults and flaws that I probably couldnt live with to be honest.


My advice- end it or ride it. Over time you'll see AP as just a man- and you can see if he is worth leaving your H for then.


You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 7:08am

H&Y,


Thank you. I liked your description of the nervous exhaustion. So true!! The magnitude of the initial highs and giddiness

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:03pm
What happens if I think that the A will be more fulfilling than the M, its just all the change and the children and families and friends? What if the MM is passionate about life, driven, will move mountains? The H will prob move them too but not as rabidly and willingly?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:30pm

Abby


Please slow down.. Last year I cheated on my husband of sixteen years for the first time. I fell dead over heal for my new lover. He started saying, I love you on the second week of us being together. He even propose marriage to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 1:01pm

Hi lost


Just chipping in here but ....Not all

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2010
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 9:11am

Thank you all so much for the heartfelt and sincere replies. I agree completely; had I had the foresight to end our amazing night before a kiss, I would have. The pain of the last month has been unbearable, despite the amazing highs I feel when I'm with him.

I'm going on a solo trip next week for business and I'm so grateful - the time away from both AP and H I'm hoping will give me some perspective. For the time being, I've cut off contact with AP. I hope this week alone will help show me who I am and what I want. I guess my biggest concern is that although I love my H so dearly, his personality just isn't enough for me... something I find so attractive about AP. But I need to know that my issue isn't just a constant search for something "better," or "more" because of self-esteem issues. I need to know if I do leave my M, I leave because I want to, and that I won't do this same thing to AP, or anyone else I might end up with down the road.

This is so, so hard. Again, thank you for the responses, and hugs to all of you.

Abby

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