Update - of sorts
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| Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:46pm |
In short, I called MM at work. He was busy of course. So I told him I would make it brief. I told him I enjoyed the time I had with him, and they would always have a special place in my heart, but I feel he and I aren't looking for the same thing in the relationship. So it's time I move on and perhaps make room in life for someone who can find ten minutes once or twice a week to call me. Someone who understands when I make up excuses to get out of the house at night, just to meet him for dinner or drinks, will keep the date, not bail out because he's in "meetings". It puts me in a difficult spot at home, explaining why I'm dressed up but dinner with girlfriends is cancelled. He was pretty silent through all of this, occasionally saying, "Things really have been bad at work, I have been busy and traveling". I explained I understood that and didn't pressure him in any way, but while he was at the airport waiting for his flight, he could open his cell and call me if he was "thinking about me", but for whatever reason he chose not to.
He said "what about me". I told him "I think you will ok. You're busy, so if this upsets you, you will be able to keep you mind off of things." He started to talk about how things will be different at the beginning of the year, work will be slower, etc. At this point, I really didn't want to hear it, I gave him plenty of chances, I was patient. It was over for me. Of course the charm is turned on "you are such a fabulous woman, I was foolish (yes you were, I'm thinking), I just ask for a second chance." His second chance came the third and forth time he cancelled on me or didn't call or contact me for over a week. This was pointed out to him. Finally I said, "I like you, and enjoyed the time we had, but I'm pretty amazing and I deserve so much more then you can ever offer me. I think I will hold out for someone who has the time. Sorry to call you at work, but this is the only time I know I can contact you. Hope the New Year is a prosperous one for you, and you and your family have a Merry Christmas. Bye"
That night, surprise surprise he found the time to get on line. Too little too late.
So there you have it. I stayed away from the board last week and kept myself busy doing the things that make the holiday special. Surprisingly, I'm not sad over this, but relieved. I said from the beginning when the headache gets to be greater then the pleasure, it's time to leave. I didn't like they way the n/c made me feel; "what did I do", "did something happen to him", the phone would ring and I'd think "It's him", then feel my heart drop when it wasn't. I guess I just don't have the nerve and courage for an EMA. We live and learn. This girl is getting off the roller coaster, and now realize that I'm wired for......well, the swings! lol
I wish all of you luck with you MM/OM. Remember how wonderful you truly are, don't settle for second best. Have a wonderful holiday season, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me during all of this. God Bless.
Life

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I will keep in touch mikkolover. Take care of yourself. Because in the end, we are all we have.
Good luck to you! Sorry it didn't work out, but you are right -- you deserve better!!
Have a great holiday, and hold your head high -- you are strong!!!
Charlotte
good luck sweetie and we're always, but always here for ya!
gurl
Edited 3/10/2004 5:03 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Reading your update made me realize that I am doing the right think - my situation is similar to yours in several ways. 2 years ago I moved halfway across the country. At this point my A had been going on for 5 yrs, both being very busy and married we talked often but saw each other seldom. I tried to break off the A when I moved, since it didn't seem to make sense to continue a secret relationship long distance, my MM didn't want to end it at all.
Since the move I call him, he never calls me (well maybe once or twice)saying he doesn't want anyone to see my number on his cell (can't make the buisness call excuse any more - and he belongs to a culture of extremely gossipy and everyone knows everyone elses buisness folk) This began to bother the heck out of me, tried some NC then he would sound really hurt that I hadn't called for a while. Well, to make a long story short, I went back "home" about a month ago and he "begged" me to stay in a hotel near the airport and his home, rather than stay with friends(for free)in the city, so he could see me every morning on his way into work. Against my better judgement I did that and he arrived late the first morning and then called late(er) that day to say he office was closed the next day and he wouldn't be coming to see me (he had also promised to take me back to the airport that evening for my flight). This was just BS - most Americans don't get that holiday off!!
Well this was the straw that broke the camels back, I am just not willing to be doing all the work any more. I called him (had to leave a message)to let him know how he hurt me by not keeping his promises and that if he wanted us to continue being lovers then he had to call me and tell me so. So far no phone call - but I am not surprised. In his case I think it's really fear that causes him to act this way, rather than something darker, but as you said, we don't deserve to be treated like this!!!! The NC has been hard, I miss hearing his voice, but somehow I don't feel the extreme heartache I thought I would. Could be that I've been so busy at work and with the holidays that I haven't had the chance to wallow just yet. (Still rather angry tho')
Well this really long fume was really just to let you know that you are not alone and that I really admire the courage you had to tell your MM that it is over, and resist his charms to try to lure you back onto this rollercoaster ride. Let us know what the New Year brings you.
Charlotte
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