Update - of sorts

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Update - of sorts
22
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:46pm
A week ago this Monday, I ended things with MM. While I have always understood I could never come first, or even second in his life. Simple things like calling when he says he's going to call, no contact of any kind from him for a full week, cancelling lunches is just a little too much. Yes, I understand his work is important, he has a family and his time is limited, but to go seven days without even an email that say "Hi, how are you." or a phone call on the way home from work just to say he was thinking of me is rude and thoughtless. Period. Sure we can make all sorts of excuses for ourselves, "He's thinking of me", "He's stressing about work or busy with the holidays." Guess what, so am I. I work full time, come home and start my second full time job as a wife, mother, friend etc. Throw shopping, decorating and getting out the cards, and my time is limited. Yet I FIND the time to touch base with those in my life. MM on the other hand, has a wife to do all this, and yet I except "I'm sorry I didn't contact you last week because things were wild at work" Ummm I don't think so.

In short, I called MM at work. He was busy of course. So I told him I would make it brief. I told him I enjoyed the time I had with him, and they would always have a special place in my heart, but I feel he and I aren't looking for the same thing in the relationship. So it's time I move on and perhaps make room in life for someone who can find ten minutes once or twice a week to call me. Someone who understands when I make up excuses to get out of the house at night, just to meet him for dinner or drinks, will keep the date, not bail out because he's in "meetings". It puts me in a difficult spot at home, explaining why I'm dressed up but dinner with girlfriends is cancelled. He was pretty silent through all of this, occasionally saying, "Things really have been bad at work, I have been busy and traveling". I explained I understood that and didn't pressure him in any way, but while he was at the airport waiting for his flight, he could open his cell and call me if he was "thinking about me", but for whatever reason he chose not to.

He said "what about me". I told him "I think you will ok. You're busy, so if this upsets you, you will be able to keep you mind off of things." He started to talk about how things will be different at the beginning of the year, work will be slower, etc. At this point, I really didn't want to hear it, I gave him plenty of chances, I was patient. It was over for me. Of course the charm is turned on "you are such a fabulous woman, I was foolish (yes you were, I'm thinking), I just ask for a second chance." His second chance came the third and forth time he cancelled on me or didn't call or contact me for over a week. This was pointed out to him. Finally I said, "I like you, and enjoyed the time we had, but I'm pretty amazing and I deserve so much more then you can ever offer me. I think I will hold out for someone who has the time. Sorry to call you at work, but this is the only time I know I can contact you. Hope the New Year is a prosperous one for you, and you and your family have a Merry Christmas. Bye"

That night, surprise surprise he found the time to get on line. Too little too late.

So there you have it. I stayed away from the board last week and kept myself busy doing the things that make the holiday special. Surprisingly, I'm not sad over this, but relieved. I said from the beginning when the headache gets to be greater then the pleasure, it's time to leave. I didn't like they way the n/c made me feel; "what did I do", "did something happen to him", the phone would ring and I'd think "It's him", then feel my heart drop when it wasn't. I guess I just don't have the nerve and courage for an EMA. We live and learn. This girl is getting off the roller coaster, and now realize that I'm wired for......well, the swings! lol

I wish all of you luck with you MM/OM. Remember how wonderful you truly are, don't settle for second best. Have a wonderful holiday season, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me during all of this. God Bless.

Life

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:51am
Thanks Charlotte. Good to see you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 12:08pm
Good to see you again too...I'll be logging off in a min, but I wanted to ask how things are with Foxy. Did you get a tree? Buy her something special? Are you keeping busy and staying positive? Tell us about things when you have time.

Hope all is well,

Charlotte

 

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