update for those who remember

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
update for those who remember
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 8:43pm

today was a happy day!
some of you may remember my occasional posts...it's hard to find time to type all that i would like. but AP let in june for a 13 mo. deployment to iraq. he and i have been in an EA for over 2 yrs...PA for over 1 yr. he has been in email contact since he left home...but he has been stateside...due to leave very soo... he has managed to call me once! that was incredible! but short...

he managed to get a couple of days leave and came home! i was honestly thrilled for his family. i've been in contact with his wife due to some work issues and i know that as much as i love him, she loves him as well. and i know he loves her...we are living such a crazy, conflicting life! i have told him how much she misses him...it's obvious on the phone even. when he told me he hoped to come home he also told me that he wasn't telling anyone else (other than family), but i found out that one other person at work knew as well...we kind of got into a bit of a tiff (selfish on my part)...but it was a misunderstanding...and then today! HE SHOWS UP AT WORK! his family was with him, but that was just fine by me! i was in heaven for just a bit! we hugged (ok with wife, everyone at work is missing him) but he ran his hand up my back (not sexual...that would be weird and mean-spirited), but intimately just the same. and when he could he just looked right into my eyes when she couldn't see...it was especially important considering the earlier misunderstanding that we had.

i love and miss this man more than anyone can imagine and this tightrope that i walk is so difficult to balance on. it's hard to imagine what he will be dealing with for the next year...and my prayers daily are for him and his family...he means more to me than just an affair...we both know where we belong and it's not with each other...but it's been very difficult to hide my feelings from my own DH and family...

however, today was incredible...and will have to last me for a very long time...i know in my heart he will be back...safe and sound...i just have to help him keep his spirits up!

-his-