upset and confused need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
upset and confused need advice
15
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:10pm
Hi everyone I've only posted here a couple of times but I need to vent... thanks in advance!!! ok little background Im a MW he is MM we've known each other about a year or aliitle more friends up until october then from there he shocked me when he said I love you and have for a while then the rollercoaster ride started now, I know what eveyone means by that!!! we have kissed and cuddled up until Dec 23 then it just kind of happened it really wasnt planned so we were only together once and I was a nervous wreck so i really didnt enjoy it ! ok so now this is were I am having the problem I talk to him everyday I dont see him regularly only when it is planned or run into each other. today while talking I was asking questions and one question I asked : Is it possible to love 2 people at once? Ok he has told me he loves me on a regularly basis ( and he said it first to start this whole mess) and asks me if I love him . Well his answer was yes it is possible but he doesnt!! what the hell does that mean? He starts these conversations by calling saying he misses me blah blah. Now I do not know what the hell to think!!! At this point he kept asking if anything was wrong of course i said no then he has the nerve to ask if i loved him OMG i said lust is very different from love he was so pissed off !! I can not figure this out !!!! he tells me im his best friend and i believe that but now I'm hurt!! Any suggestions? thanks for listening since I dont trust anyone enough to talk to!!



S

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 5:06pm
I wish I understood men. And they say women are confusing. I swear they are the most confusing beings I have ever known. My MM is the same way. I don't know what he wants..how he feels. Anyway. I have a feeling he wasn't trying to say he didnt love you, and that is why he got annoyed with you when you mentioned lust. What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 5:32pm
I think he is either mental or playing mind games with you. Try calling him on it by asking him, "Are you trying to mess with my head or something? What gives with this?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 5:59pm
It sounds like both of you maybe trying way too hard to protect your own feelings and keep tripping up in that and end up hurting each other's feelings even more.

Maybe if you were to sit down and just try to have an honest and unemotional discussion about how you really feel about each other, you could both stop playing games?

I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I don't mean for it too. It's just if your implying it's about lust you're lying to him and possibly yourself. If it was just about lust none of this would bother you. :(

Analyzing it wont help (take it from a person who over analyzes everything). If you really want to know they truth your going to have to make yourself vulnerable to him and ask him to be just as vulnerable to you. It's the only way to know for sure. Everything else is just conjecture.

Nick

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:28pm
Do you think that when he says "yes its possible to love 2 people, but I don't", that what he means is he loves you more than his W? Without coming right out and saying it. Because you said he's said the "L" word to you alot already.

And maybe if you're not ready to say it back, now that's hurt his feelings? About the lust not love thing. Because he's already crossed that line by saying that he loves you.

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 12:12pm
HI

Thank You to everyone that has offered advice and suggestions. I am going to be straight foward on monday with him !! MM has said stuff like I wish you were my wife if I could only go back!or another conversation we have had that scares me is his W cannot have children (they have 1) he has talked about wanting a child with me OMG! I have feelings for him maybe I do Love MM he asks all the time if i do my reply is what do you think (that buys me time lol) but I have no intentions of leaving my M and he has said the same! So what the hell is he thinking!!! I have enough aggravation in my life why put myself through more!! I am going to have to make a decision soon to walk away and not get deeper involved even if getting deeper is possible!!! Well I dont like being on computer at home makes me paranoid!!!lol Thanks again!! I will be back with an update I really dont know what to think!!! But once again Thank You!!!!


S

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 2:39pm
Hi adult

I have heard of MM that demand that the OW stop haveing sex with there husband and be exclusive with them well they continue to do there wifes, youe MM sounds a bit unbalanced and not really operating in the real world.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 5:02pm
Hi Free,

I know this is crazy and it just gets crazier! MM is loved and adored by everyone if you asked anyone they would swear he is a saint!!!! But behold the otherside I am getting a dose of!!! Well he is in for quite a reality check on monday the more I dwell the angrier I get. I just think of all the stuff he has said in the past I gave examples in the other post but here is another conversation : I told MM I eventually wanted to have another child he said "if you want to wait until you have the baby (he knows that won't be another year ot two) then we will do this" which makes me think its not even about sex for him!!!! Also he decided to leave his job where if I chose to see him I could I made a comment that I havent seen him since Dec 23, he IM and said he went back part time so now I would get to see him whenever I want!!! I will probably end up a Lifetime Movie !!! It's always the least suspected person who is the killer type !!! All I know is if I ever told anyone about this around me they would think oh no not ......!!! Well I got involved because I liked the attention and fell for the lines lord knows I didnt think it would turn into an A,least of all end up like this!! But I will be damned if he thinks he can play me!!! theres nothing like a woman scorned lol!!!! Plus we live a mile from each other apparently he's not worried if I snap and show up at his door!! hell he invites me over all the time (I dont go) !!!! lol I have to laugh now I'm starting to get crazy !!! SORRY!!! I am so happy to get this off my chest and to find this board !!! Now if anyone can tell me how to get rid of this pit feeling in my stomache I would appreciate it!!!pepto and tums doesnt cut it lol!!! Could you Imagine all this because he made the comment that he doesnt love two people!! I am 33 years old and it feels like being in High School !!! Maybe I feel more than I like to believe but I wont ever let him know that. I would have never done this if I knew it would be like this but the connction between us is incredible. I love my H with all my heart but never felt like this before Damn MM !!! Well talk to you all soon!! Thanks again!



S

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 5:21pm
Hi Adult

I know the type, piller of the community ,loved and repected by every one ,PURE EGO TRIP for him sex or no sex.

You will end up haveing to put him out with the trash at some point, hopefully before he does anything stupid.

The connection thing is more about how he makes you feel about you it is really more superficial then it appears, after 10-15 years of M we feel not so pretty , desirable , sexy not a real woman any more and suck up the flattery like a sponge, but as most women learn who have been in and out of Affairs more often then not what they say means nothing it is just a way of getting what ever it is they want then hanging on to it.

Time to consider if this is really worth the risk of what it can cost of things are still good at home.

What ever you do never forget for most MM OM it is just a game that makes them feel good about themselfs, if you can live that way ok if not its time to exit before the bill is due.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 1:22pm
Hi !!

OK I have an update.. DustyRose was right !!! After talking for a few minutes he already asked what was wrong and of course I said oh nothing!! well then he starts with the did you miss me, did you think about me, blah blah.. then the so do you love me? At that point the vein in my forehead was ready to POP so I say NO I dont love you (trying to pull it off that I have no feelings at this point). Ok Then I said the whole thing about loving 2 people at once what his reply was last week and he said yeah and? OMG now I reply OK let me get this straight you want me to love you but you dont love me !!! so I am still ranting like a lunatic to him and then he replies I dont think this is going to work between us!! At that point I was furious then he says I need love and apparently you are just looking for sex!!!! OMG is this really happening!!! Then he said when I said yes its possible, but I dont ....He meant he loved me not his wife!!! I know they have serious problems she belittles him and treats him horribleI have seen her at her best she is truly a mean person, but they have child with MD and he will never leave !!! So now I look like a total idiot or sex addict lol !!! so I have no clue where we stand!!!! He said he is totally hurt that I dont feel the same for him and that he wants someone that truly loves him not just for sex!!! OMG now I am the bad person how the hell did this happen!!!! Now I feel even worse!!!! Well once again Thanks everyone!!! I truly am glad to find all of you here !!!! Bye !

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 1:38pm
HI Adult

It is impressive how you were manuvered into being the bad guy, I have to admit the man is sharp.

If it is really love that he wants give him that with out sex and see how long it takes for him adjust the relationship to a sexual one, it's possable he is telling the truth if he is he's a better man then most that get into EMS.

The question remains is it worth it to you to let it go on.


FREE

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