upset and confused need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
upset and confused need advice
15
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:10pm
Hi everyone I've only posted here a couple of times but I need to vent... thanks in advance!!! ok little background Im a MW he is MM we've known each other about a year or aliitle more friends up until october then from there he shocked me when he said I love you and have for a while then the rollercoaster ride started now, I know what eveyone means by that!!! we have kissed and cuddled up until Dec 23 then it just kind of happened it really wasnt planned so we were only together once and I was a nervous wreck so i really didnt enjoy it ! ok so now this is were I am having the problem I talk to him everyday I dont see him regularly only when it is planned or run into each other. today while talking I was asking questions and one question I asked : Is it possible to love 2 people at once? Ok he has told me he loves me on a regularly basis ( and he said it first to start this whole mess) and asks me if I love him . Well his answer was yes it is possible but he doesnt!! what the hell does that mean? He starts these conversations by calling saying he misses me blah blah. Now I do not know what the hell to think!!! At this point he kept asking if anything was wrong of course i said no then he has the nerve to ask if i loved him OMG i said lust is very different from love he was so pissed off !! I can not figure this out !!!! he tells me im his best friend and i believe that but now I'm hurt!! Any suggestions? thanks for listening since I dont trust anyone enough to talk to!!



S

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:58pm
My heart goes out to you, my lover insist's he does not love me, but that he genuinely cares, likes me likes me(whatever that means), but proceeds to tell me on the phone that he loves every part of me, loves being with me, loves making love to me , loves my body, and that he need's it......yet he does'nt love me!!! All I can suggest is that you go with what your heart tell's you, not what you think he want's to hear, not what you feel you should say, if you feel it and cannot say it (the position I am in) then it will only tear you apart, you have to be true to yourself as in these messes it is all we have left ourselves, there is no one to talk to, no one to trust........go with what is in your heart.......and if it is love share it, if it is lust enjoy it, whatever be you that is who he fell in love with in the first place.......

I hope things work out for you.........

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:39am
Hi,

Well after trying to get some sleep last night,I have decided to take this day by day. I am not going to dwell on this I just can't anymore. My H made a comment that I have been very distant lately Huh imagine that!lol! Well only time will tell! I have to either trust or walk away. I am not ready to do either yet though that makes me weak!!! Well I figure I am going in for surgery on Monday which will take about 6 weeks to heal so no lifting, bending you now all that stuff!! Maybe the dumb restrictions will actually help me!!! or worse laid up to dwell more. I still cant believe any of this is really happening! I saw him this morning and I had those stupid butterflies in my stomache, he was being nice then made a stupid jealous comment about a friend of mine (which is also a MM ) he had the nerve to say " so is ..... coming over to take care of you !!! I always had a crush on ..... lord nows he is hotter than any man I know and recently he tried to take it to the next level and I didnt because of MM (when it rains it pours), plus before MM I have never even thouht about any of this!!! MM knew I had a crush on ..... because MM and I were friends and I talked to him about everything!!! I think to myself Do I have adulterer stamped on my forehead!!! I will be back with updates lord nows this is my therapy!! I feel better already knowing I am not alone and that there are kind people who dont judge out there !!! Hugs to all of you!! BYE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 8:29pm
Hi Adult

you asked::""Do I have adulterer stamped on my forehead!!!""

No but some men kiss and tell, also people can be more aware of what your up to then you may think and once word gets out that you sleep around you can suddenly get very popular with the guys in the office.

Also a word of warning, the fact that you husband has noticed that you have been distant is not good it shows that this whole mess is effecting your M in a bad way, also he may be beginning to suspect something is going on.

Carefull you don't end up paying full price for the show.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 12:45pm
Hi Free.

I have decided to walk away and see what happens it will be hard but I have to do whats best for my family!!!! I dont think MM will say anything Plus I work in a different county than where I live and I dont work with either MM or ........ they live about 75 miles apart and dont know each other I have only been with my H and with MM ONCE and that is too many times!! I am thinking with my head now not my heart!!! Thank you for all of your input!! Wish Me Luck lord knows I think I will need it And a few prayers for Monday I am a nervous wreck which is keeping my mind off MM, but convinced I am not going to wake up from surgery I dont know which is better lol!!!!!! Thanks Again !!!


S

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 7:38pm
HI Adult

I am sure you will wake up.

You do not strike me as an A type person, but I get the impression mybe that you and your husband are not spending the time together that is needed to meet your normal needs as a woman.

You two really need to talk about it and work something out, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, you married a husband and have the right to have him do his job as a husband, he has to understand that you are more important then his Job are anything else.

Now men can be pretty dense creatures were it comes to these things, so I suggest no hints men do not do hints well at all, get in his face and let him know how bad things really are (the fact that you looked to men over says things are worse then you are admitting to yourself).

I did the A route and believe me when I tell you the cost can be very high if you go that route.


Recover quickly

FREE

Pages