Vacation together, then the bomb drops...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Vacation together, then the bomb drops...
11
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 12:47pm

Hi all-  well, after a beautiful and loving week in Hawaii, I get back home and AP tells me yesterday that all intimacy needs to stop between us, that he needs to recommit to marriage, etc.   Feels like I've been hit by a 18 wheel truck.   I laid on my couch and cried all day and most of teh night yesterday- no explanation for my boyfriend.   I just couldn't move.

I'm dealing and I know I'll slowly heal.  But right now things feel sideways.   I am toying with telling my BF everything that happened in the last 9 months, th ough I know by doing that, I risk that relationship.  I just want to move on in full daylight, with full truth.  Also thinking AP's wife needs to know, because yes, their marriage was complicit in this also.   I'm a real person, and I was really affected by this.  Not her fault, directly, but she was involved, indirectly.

Do any of you have thoughts on telling the full truth?  Is it good or bad idea?  I'm going to wait until I'm less emotionally shakey to make up my mind (after the holidays), but I'd sure appreicate input.

Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2013
Wed, 01-01-2014 - 10:22am

Do not ruin his life. Think back on the good times you had together and the love you had for him, and do what's best for him - stay out of their marriage.

It's my personal belief that 'Your punishment for having the affair is NEVER being able to tell ANYONE about it.' Telling your boyfriend you make you feel better and him feel worse. You are prioritizing your happiness over his. Do you still want to be with your boyfriend? If the answer is yes, recommit yourself to the relationship. Don't tell him you're doing it. Just do it. 

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