Vacation together, then the bomb drops...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Vacation together, then the bomb drops...
11
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 12:47pm

Hi all-  well, after a beautiful and loving week in Hawaii, I get back home and AP tells me yesterday that all intimacy needs to stop between us, that he needs to recommit to marriage, etc.   Feels like I've been hit by a 18 wheel truck.   I laid on my couch and cried all day and most of teh night yesterday- no explanation for my boyfriend.   I just couldn't move.

I'm dealing and I know I'll slowly heal.  But right now things feel sideways.   I am toying with telling my BF everything that happened in the last 9 months, th ough I know by doing that, I risk that relationship.  I just want to move on in full daylight, with full truth.  Also thinking AP's wife needs to know, because yes, their marriage was complicit in this also.   I'm a real person, and I was really affected by this.  Not her fault, directly, but she was involved, indirectly.

Do any of you have thoughts on telling the full truth?  Is it good or bad idea?  I'm going to wait until I'm less emotionally shakey to make up my mind (after the holidays), but I'd sure appreicate input.

Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 1:57pm

I think if you were having a long term affair and you want to re-commit to your BF and make that relationship work then you should consider telling him--I say consider, I don't know all the circumstances, but if you feel that you need to be honest with him and that it will help you talk about what led you to have an affair, then it might have a positive outcome.  You should also be prepared for him to walk away and not want to deal with you any more.

As far as telling your AP's wife, I'd say mind your business.  His marriage is none of your business although you inserted yourself into it.  When you say it's not "directly" her fault, are you really blaming her for her DH having an affair?  Maybe there were some problems with the marriage, but the way for him to deal with it was not by him having an affair.  The only reason for you telling her is to get revenge on him and it's not really fair to hurt an innocent party to do that.

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