venting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
venting
1
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:34am
Monday, M and I had plans to hook up in another town, he arrived there before me We were only there about 3 hours and he said that he had to go in the next hour because he told his W that he was playing golf and had to be back. He had been there all that time letting me think that we were going to spend the day together and not said anything. Then he was acting weird so I just left, and cried the whole way home. The next day I is when I told him that if he wanted me to walk away that I would, but he said he didn't want to. When I asked him why he had been acting so weird he told me that he knew that I would be upset because he couldn't stay, and he didn't want that to happen. I told him he should have just told me. But even today he is acting distant... what should I do? Just stay away and act like it doesn't bother me? any ideas?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
In reply to: raingirl000
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 6:31pm
Raingirl, I completely understand your frustration. I've been going through some of the same things with my OM. Although he has said "I love you" a ton of times, he just about stopped saying it a couple of weeks ago. A few days ago, he said it quietly, and then afterward, said "Oh, I'm sorry." The phone calls have also dropped off quite a bit. A couple of times he said he would call and didn't--or would call hours later than he said. While I am completely crazy about this guy, I have an exceptionally low tolerance for being strung along.

My reaction to his changes was to pull away. Last night, I told him that I needed time away from the relationship. I think he took my words to mean I was ending it...which I might have been. He had a devastated look in his eye, and he told me he loved me. It made me rethink my decision for time apart. When I woke up this morning, I thought "Oh sh#t! What have I done?" I am so utterly enamored with him. BUT, I also think that we should have enough pride in ourselves to not put up with bull--from any man, be it our H or OM. I don't know now what I will do.

I think that most men in any R pull away when you get too close (not rain or omaha--they are far too emotionally mature). At first they pursue you like crazy, and when they "hook" you, they start acting a little different. Factor in the fact that you are dealing with a man in a marriage--adds a whole other layer of emotional complexity to it. If that is the stage that you are at with your MM, it may be best to go about your business. Act like he is not the center of your universe--whether he is or isn't. Step back, and see what he does. That way, you will have a better insight into what he feels. If you push him, he'll just retreat more.

Good luck,

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