VERY Confused... :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
VERY Confused... :(
4
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:27pm
I hope I don't ramble, I'm just very confused. Brief history for those of you who don't remember/don't know...I recently started an A with my exH. We're both re-M now, and live in different states (about 3 1/2 hrs. away). The whole reason I started the A was because MM and I have always had this *connection* and this *passion* that I've never had with anyone else, and according to him, neither has he. I don't have it with my H, and don't think I ever could, though I *wish* I could. But the thing is, lately I'm not feeling like I'm really getting what I was hoping to get out of this A...I mean, our time together is very limited, and it's pretty hard for us to see each other. When we are together, that connection and that passion is there, but it's the times that we're not together when I'm feeling this "void". And I feel like I'm the one doing all the work to keep this A going.

For instance, he can no longer call me because his W has been checking his cell phone bill...so it's up to me to do all the calling. MM has been saying that he's going to get another phone that W won't know about, but he hasn't done it. So, I'm doing all the calling, but it's frustrating because he's so busy (work), or he's on his way home, or W is calling, or someone business-related is calling, etc. I hate having to hear "call me back in about an hour", only to call back and have the same thing happen. Not only that, but our phone conversations aren't very intimate on an emotional level -- it's more like it's all a "sexual" thing. When we're together, it's completely different, and the love we have for each other is there, but it's not there at all during these phone conversations. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, if I'm expecting too much, or what..?? I would love to talk this out with him, but there never seems to be a good time to bring it up, and besides that, I do NOT want to pressure him! I mean, sometimes I think that I should tell him what I want out of this and see if he is able/willing to give it, but then I think...should I really have to tell him what I want? I mean...if it was there, it would be there...I wouldn't have to be so specific...or would I???

I don't know...like I said, I'm very confused! And to make matters worse, my M is not going so well...H has been sleeping on the couch for the past week, and said to me a few days ago: "Either a) you don't love me anymore, b) you're not attracted to me anymore, or c) you're having an affair." OMG! I wanted to say "Ummm...can I choose 'd', all of the above???" lol Just kidding...it's really not funny, I know, and I do love my H, I'm just not "in love" with him, and the attraction has been gone for a while now...which is sad. But we're supposed to be spending the entire weekend with his family, and I just don't know how/if I can pull it off...

Anyone have any advice/suggestions/words of wisdom?? TIA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:08am
Hmmmm....well, I guess I'll figure this one out on my own, and just keep lurking from now on in hopes of reading about someone else's situation that I might be able to relate to. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:26am
deleted

Edited 8/29/2003 10:37:37 AM ET by charlotte1203


Edited 6/1/2004 10:53 pm ET ET by charlotte1203

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:52am
good morning.

men need to be told specifically what is required of them. your MM can't read your mind. if the EMA started as just sex (fwb), are you changing the rules now? he's your xH so you obviously know him well. communicate with him and let him know you don't want to do all the work in the R. he needs to get that new cellphone so he can call you. be as honest as you can and let him know how you feel, without anger. just talk to him.

as for your H, if you want to keep your M, work on that relationship. pay attention to your H and make him feel loved and wanted. that couch is one step closer to the door.

be careful and make the effort required to keep your H happy.

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 11:18am
"WOW" I thought that i was like the only one in a situation like this is so Weird how all of our stories mix together and we yet do not know what to do???(LOL) and one ppart that i agree with you was the last one where you say that "H" asked you that a,b,c typical question mine has always done the same and im just like you well how about "D" Duhhh there is no "D" right well i cant give you must adives cause i posted myself and yet confused all i can say is that i really hope you the best its true though i do also love my husband just that i am not in love anymore with him however i do feel that i should try to make him happy and myself happy as well. ,,,,Does that make sense????

good Luck,

MaruBaby....