very sad..overeacting??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
very sad..overeacting??
7
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:07am
ok all..a few days ago I posted that my MM was away at a convention for 5 days. Here we are on day 3 and I have NOT heard from him!!! I am swaying between being mad and thinking the worst. He is with people that can not know about me (buddies, thier wives) NOT his W, and I'm sure he's having a great time (golf, warm weather, etc) But, still - don't you think he could find 2 minutes to call! I left him a message yesterday and have not heard back. What should I do? Should I call again? or Should I just relax (he's just being a man..out with the guys etc??) We're onto 9 mos of this A (so, it's not like we just met) Of course, I'm miserable, cranky, snapping at the kids, on the verge of tears!

Help!! reassuring or honest thoughts!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 1:23pm
I hate say this but I would have tried to get a hold of you by now. None the less, you don't know the situation so don't try and second guess things. I'm never right when I try that anyway. Did you make any arrangements to talk before he left? I certainly wouldn't assume the worst here, like he is lying in a hospital bed incapacitated, but I can see why you are upset. I would be too. Maybe just ride it out and let him know when he returns that you expect a little more out of him in the future.

PS - it’s easy to go on tirades with the kids under these circumstances, but they didn’t do anything here. Turn it into positive energy and spend time with them. Soon they’ll be gone so don’t let the time slip away. After all, if you had to choose between them and MM, it would be a no-brainer.

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 1:49pm
(hugs). Not hearing from your MM especially when you have left a message is hard.

But i think i have to vote for, he's just being a man, he's golfing with his buddies, and he's jsut not THINKING. There are just some things men don't get (no offense) and i think the average married-enjoying-some-time-away guy just probably dosen't realize how upset you are over his lack of response. Give him another day or two and leave another message maybe.

i understand both of your points of view. In the span of two or three days, he certainly could have "stolen" a few minutes to call you. The only point i am trying to make is that men just don't think that way. When he's walking from the conference area to the golf course he's probably thinking about what he had for breakfast. You know what i mean? They just aren't the same.

i dno't mean to downplay how you feel. My MM goes away for days at a time with family a few times a year and i HATE it. He does find a way to call me but usually only 2 or 3 times in a matter of five days. The first time he did this there was no communication.

i learned that the way they feel is, "everything is great between OW woman and i, i can't wait to get back to her and she can't wait to see me again"... they don't see it as a crisis becasue they can't communicate with us. the second time he went, when he did leave me some messages, i told him how great i though it was, how much it helped me, how much it made the time go by faster and how i loved knowing he was okay...and voila, the time after that, i got phone conversations not jsut hurried messages AND emails :)

So anyway, i think you'll find he doesn't mean to be a doofus, he's just a guy, he can't help it ROTFL!!!! (kidding, kidding)

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 2:46pm
Gee, don't they just suck at times?

I'm just really antsy here I guess, cuz it's the weekend, supposedly his puter isn't working at home, and yada yada yada...

Sent me a quickie email this am saying that he had an office full of people...

I shouldn't be bummed, I talked to him a lot this past week and got to see him...

But I know how ya feel...

~Laurie~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 3:19pm
Hi ladies, I know how you all feel. These men just don't think the same way we do. And my MM goes away several times a year, family vacations, conventions, racing, etc. And I know I will not hear from him while he is gone. Just as I know I will not hear from him on weekends either, that's family time.

Anyways, I guess what I want to say is, for those of you who do hear from them during their away times, you are very lucky. And for the rest of us, well we just have to wait for them to get back, and let them make it up in their own way.

But really, keeping yourself busy helps to keep you from getting upset over the time you don't see/hear fromm them.

For those of us who see them on a regular basis, we are very lucky anyways, because there are many more who do not see their MM regularly. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 7:12pm
You are all right. He could have found a few minutes to call, he's probalby on the golf course, thinking about what he had for breakfast etc. It just makes me wonder, why don't men think like us?? It also makes me re-think things, am I in too deep? do I care more about our A than he does?

I left another vm for him tonight. We'll see. That's all, I won't call again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 9:22pm

My MM "USED TO" call me on the weekends, but not anymore. Things change. He had a cell from work so it was ok to call me on the weekends, but he had to turn it in so he doesn't have one anymore.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:22pm
Once again I'm left confused and disheartened by these men. Why is it that in the year 2004, men still seem generally unable or unwilling to consider the feelings of those they care about? Why is it that they seek comfort from other women yet don't offer the same comfort in return? A better question might be why other women offer them the comfort they seek yet don't expect the same in return. I know that most men are wired differently than most women. I suppose you have to take what you can from them because they can't offer more. I just find it sad.

I, for one, think about my OW throughout each day. I don't see her as a diversion or a complication. I love her with all my heart and she helped me to see that I wasn't getting what I need and deserve from my current M. I e-mail her several times per day and talk to her whenever we can. I have only been able to make trips to see her twice, but that is due to complications in her life as much as in mine. In fact, I often think about how unfair life is when I absolutely adore her and would do anything to see her or talk to her and yet she and I face as many obstacles as two people could. We won't be able to see each other for 6 months. I am facing a D from my W who is currently carrying my second child. I am the primary caregiver to my first son who is 4. Obviously I'm to blame for some of these circumstances and this situation is far from perfect. But I still believe in us and I love her and I don't let a day go by without telling her that.

I know that I'm not normal in how I express myself. Counselors and even my own mother have long told me I am emotionally wired more like a female than a male. But I guess I take pride in that. And I still believe everyone is capable of at least acknowledging how other people feel and being sensitive towards that. I'm sorry to go off on one of my rants again. I just get disheartened at times when I read how these men treat you ladies. I'm sure that they all do care for you. I just wish more of them would step up and show it a little better.

Then again, I should admit that I tend to overthink things myself. Because I e-mail more than my OW does, I sometimes wonder if maybe she doesn't feel the same about me as I do about her. This despite the fact she assures me she does. So my guess is you don't have anything to worry about, and neither do I. But it doesn't stop us from worrying does it? I'm working on overcoming my fears and doubts so if any of you figure out a way to do that, be sure to let me know okay? :)