Very scared...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Very scared...
12
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 11:05am
This is my first time here and I am nervous. I guess I feel like if I write it, then it's real. I am married and in what I think a very happy marriage, but if I'm interested in sleeping w/ someone else then does that mean that I'm not happily married?

I'm toying w/ the idea of being w/ someone else. I know this person very very well and actually used to date him so us being together is not totally foreign. We recently were in contact, via e-mail, after not communicating for more than a year. The conversation began innocently then heated up. Now we are contemplating meeting in the new year. I'm scared b/c I don't like lying to my H but this curiosity haunts me day and night.

I just feel bad, like b/c I'm married I can never be attracted to anyone ever again.

I just would like some words of comfort, similar stories, words of wisdsom, etc.

Basically I don't want to be judged and felt comfortable coming here. Thank you in advance.

CB

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 2:03pm
Wow, your story sounds exciting. I feel bad actually commending you for that, but we're in the same boat here. It's a relief to have someplace to discuss these things.

It sounds like you know just what you (both) want out of this and that's important. Neither of you are going to allow it go get out of hand. Good!

Nothing has happened yet. I guess I sort of feel that until it actually happens, IF it actually happens, then it's still fantasty. My big fear is what if when we both return from the holiday it's "go" time! Then I'll have to think of an excuse to be away from home for a few hours after work. I'm a very active person anyway so I'm not home right after work anyway. Depending on the day, I so badly want this to happen then other times I think, what's the point??? I've been with him before and why would it be different than before? Well a few years ago it was great, now we've been apart for so long and have experienced other people so it is probably better. Plus, all of the tension and apprehension leading up to it makes it more intense. This is all so crazy...

I'm glad to hear that you're doing OK, mentally. I am like you...there's no way there would be a mental or emotional relationship. This is satisfying some physical desire that we are selfish for.

Good luck to you and feel free to keep me posted!!! I'm interested in seeing how things work out for you and this MM, to see if it's really as good as you two think it could be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 3:33pm
Thanks carebear! This is hard - he gave me a Christmas gift today - A ROPE! I'm not sure how to take it (he is not into anything heavy - just told me how fun it was to have sex tied up and how much his wife had liked it.) How weird is that (the wife part - not the rope!)!!?! I do know he isn't into anything heavier than gentle restraint and teasing. I would NOT be in this place if he was into more. I can't help but think about how bad it would look if we were caught though and that is NOT part of the excitement!

Let me know what you decide. I don't know how much further after finally "doing it" we will go or if I will even agree to use the rope. I have to say that I am excited by the gift and the thought. I need some building up right now.

Before I even considered this I used to think back to old boyfriends and wish I knew then what I knew now - I can certainly see the draw to someone in your past! I love my husband and he is a good lover - I just need something more right now. Thanks for listening and supporting! I hope it goes well for you too and you do what your gut says to (either way). It does feel weird to encourage someone in this, doesn't it?

I'll check back often - but report after something happens. I'll look for whatever you post too. Good luck!

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