The W

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
The W
32
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 10:39am

Okay..Here are some thoughts..If you had your choice would you rather be you or be her? He says he loves her. He's closest to her..yet here he is cheating on her. I'm going to be honest here in saying this and a part of me feels bad for even saying it. I saw his wife for the first time and I was shocked that she wasn't more beautiful. I was expecting her to be gorgeous because he is. And she's not at all. Just very simple and plain looking. I felt weird that I even thought that..but truly I was expecting some great beauty. I know love is not about looks. But has anyone thought that about their AP's wife? Do some of you think what is it he gets in me that he isn't getting from her? What is he attracted to?

It was so difficult for me to watch her because I felt like such a jerk..knowing what I know. I'm going to walk away again..but I can't go back on EAS until I've been in NC for a long time..it feels unfair to the women trying to support me. I feel like a misfit..lost and in limbo. Choose life or death..cuz purgatory is no fun! Someone said that to me once.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:20am

Hi Logan,


I can't be on EAS anymore either because I just can't go NC.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 12:47pm

hello girls, i too know what you are talking about.

~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 1:08pm

same here. when i saw her for the 1st time, i take to take a deep breath. my AP is gorgeous also. however, i sense that he has somehow been refined over time (sort of like a fine, wine) lol !!


however, i have to take into consideration that he married his high school sweetheart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 1:10pm

If I had a choice, I would not want to be the W.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 1:32pm
Neither---I want to be the girlfriend who he doesn't hide :( I don't know that I'd want to marry again if H & I split & his W him split. I really think I'd want to be together---absolutely but I don't know that I'd want to marry again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 2:45pm

Great post, marti


It's good to be reminded and take into consideration why married men still


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 3:28pm
Yes..she gets to see the real him. She knows him far better than I ever will or do..I know. So, I think there is a comfort level they have, a sense of security they certainly do not want to give up. But they need their egos stroked. I remember my AP telling me one of the reasons he likes older women is that their bodies stopped changing. What you see is what you get. I thought that to be odd at the time. I'm older and my body is larger in one particular area that he loves. So, I think that's all that he is interested in. But I also get a lot of attention from men and he knows that. So, that too could be a motivator for him since he is very competitive. It's just all a big puzzle that I grow tired of being a piece of. One thing I did notice..his W looked kind of stressed with the kids..but happy at the same time. She was rallying for her man. My AP looked frazzled because we were both in the same area together and I don't think he was expecting that. My AP shows his emotion on his face and I can tell when he's unhappy. He looked happy to see me when our eyes connected..but unhappy when he realized I was quite close to his family. I don't even know if he saw me watching him with them. I think he thought I was lost in the crowd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 9:38pm

I been to his house and seen a picture of his W. I, too, was expecting some gorgeous woman, but she was very unattractive. But then again, my AP is nothing to brag about either. They're both meant for each other. I know exactly what he see's in me: young, gorgeous girl that can stroke his ego.

I am jealous of the fact that she spends more time with him and shares his life. However, I do not want to be her because she is probably going through hell living with a liar and cheat. Not the type of life I want... although deep down I do want to be with him, I know its not the wisest choice.

Angelinajolie.jpg Angelina Jolie image by looie31007st


young.jpg Young luv image by submarinerforever

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 10:02pm

This is funny! I remember the first time I heard my AP burp and was all giddy about it. How silly! Yes! He burps! OMG!!

This is not related to my AP but I do have to share. One time a guy I was dating..totally toxic and no longer in my heart..anyways he was leaving me a voicemail message and he farted. You could hear it on the message but he just kept on talking like nothing happened.

Men are icky at times!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
In reply to: logan74
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:17pm
I think, I just realized it today how comfortable I am ( or can be) with my AP. He does not expect anything from me, he does not demand anything from me, I do not owe him anything. We have no external gain from each other but we risk alot for intristic benefit ( feeling good and happy). I try to keep my feelings down and keep myself busy with work or something else, so I do not sit and wait for him to call me. I saw a picture of his W before our relationship turned into A, she is beautiful, but I do not think more beautiful than me. Same here, I am 13 younger than him, and about 10 years younger than her, and I think he likes it. One part I know he likes about me is that I am driven and have better hopes and dreams than just having a man. I told him today that I've realized that no man will make me happy, even if i could put a man from a scratch, I would not know what will make me happy. But it is ME who can make me happy and I know what I want in me to make me happy. He knows I am not afraid to loose him or my H, I believe this makes him work harder on our relationship. But i think he knows his W will not leave him.....I am very happy to be his AP and would never want to be a W of a cheating husband....We also both agree on that if we ever get divorced we will not remarry again ( we are not planning to by any means), we do not believe in marriage concept...

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