"W" Is Pregnant =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
"W" Is Pregnant =(
2
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 6:02pm
Hi to you all i had posted a while back letting you all know that my "MM" had mentioned that"W" might be pregnant...

Well sure thing they went to the Dr's and Yup she's almost 4 months they alrady have a son so this will be there second.. He asked me what did i think? what is there to think right.. i mean i love him and all but i know he's not just mine i know he was first her's before being mine.... well the whole thing here is that we "HAD" previously in all are chats about this topic said if "W" or "Me" would come out pregnant (it would kill or relationship) just the fact of another baby... Well Guess What we decided to see eachother at "OUR SPECIAL" place and we ended up eating our words up i am so confused we just saw eachother and had the greatest "SEX" he flipped me all over the place the minute he saw me... I think that after 1 yr the "SEX" is just getting better and better all the time he's great. Its just the thought of "W" being pregnant that for some reason is hunting me I tell him that because I love him I am not going anywhere however that i am not made out of wood either and that i do have feelings im just human and that the least thing i would want to do would be to hurt her/him so that if he feels that he has to cut me loose because of the fact that he has that guilt trip then i would understand..But he tells me not to think like that.. that at this time all he knows is that he loves me and he needs me to continue in his life =)

What to do girls..........(I am just so confused)

Ps.. One thing i may add is that the reason that i have this guilt trip is that because when I was pregnant like a couple of years ago i found out that my "H" has an "EMA" and back then i was as innocent as they come but then again he did it to me and it really hurted when i found out=(

So i dont know if this is the guilt feeling that is killing me that i would not want anyone to get hurt like that....(But why care he's my MM and the damage has been done for over 1 yr right=) Hope i did not confuse things here.. but would want to know what would you do if you were me????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 9:49pm
Oh boy...I am going through the same exact thing you are.

My MM's W is 3.5 months pregnant and I am just in absolute misery. My MM and are deeply in love and I want to be strong enough to stick it out with him but just the thought of his W being pregnant doesn't sit well with me and it is killing me.

My MM talked to me about the pressure he was getting to have a second child. One, it was decided that he did not want his son to be an only child. Second, he just couldn't foresee being able to leave his son so he couldn't predict the future and had to make a decision based on his love and desire to be with his son. Third, the pressure of not being able to wait any longer due to both him and his W's age. And lastly, I couldn't foresee leaving my marriage either (although I don't have kids) so we both had to continue with our "other" lives. When I found out a month ago that she was pregnant, I was very upset because he didn't tell me that he had given in. He feels absolutely horrible for hurting me, wants me in his life, but is scared that he ruined our relationship. I know that he is not in love with his wife and he is in love with me so that helps me deal with this somehow.

I am trying EVERY second of the day to stay strong and be able to accept this. I am realizing that I would rather have him in my life than without. Like you said...we are not made out of wood so I know that the pain, frustration, and heartache, are all going to be there within the next 5.5 months. All I can tell you is what I have been trying to tell myself...focus on your love for your MM and his feelings for you. Focus on your relationship and believe that if your relationship is strong enough to last this long (mine's been a year and a half), then there is something special there that could get past this difficult period. I posted my problem when I found out and got about the same advice...so I hope mine helped you.

I'm here for you because God knows...I am suffering daily trying to get through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 4:25am
Well girls, I'm in the same boat as well!! Our A is 18 months old & we have a great relationship initally based on a physical attraction that has become, what I think, somewhat special. MM W is 4 months pregnant with their 3rd child. He says he didn't really want the baby, that 2 was enough but he was under pressure. That's all well & good & I don't believe that I'm in any position to stop him going ahead with his life but wow, when he told me I thought my heart had broken in two. I never realised the pain I would be in & don't fully understand that pain either.... I have real concern for W & am always asking MM how she's going with it all. Is that bizarre?

My MM was scared when he told me about the baby & I didn't know what I'd do for a start, whether we'd continue the A or not? But after thinking long & hard, I really couldn't give MM up & he dearly wanted to continue as we were as well. We live 600km apart & see each other probably once every month to 6 weeks which is fantastic as I live a very independent life as a single divorcee with my 2 children & haven't got time or energy for a full time man. But I do miss him a lot, we'd be a great couple but not likely to happen so I try not to think about it.

So you are not going through this dilemma alone & it helps me to think there are people out there somewhere who understand this aspect of life. In closing, I believe that we are a special part of their life and as you say need to focus on the relationship at hand rather than the behind the scenes images. Keep your chins up!!