"W" IS PREGNANT=(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
"W" IS PREGNANT=(
5
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 6:12pm
Okay Ladies i really need your advises or feedbacks if you have been in this situation what did you do? or what would you do?

I have been with my MM for already 1yr we are like 2 Lovebirds we talk on the phone every single day and we see eachother once a week maybe twice on occasions. well to make a long story short about 7months ago we got busted his "W" found the password to his e-mail account went in and found some of all my e-mails well she e-mailed me and all called me every name in the book and told me that she wanted to know who i was and what i looked like she wanted to know what kind of women her husband was going out with well anyways "I told her well i am sure you know that he does not have bad taste".. well she threatened me that if i would not meet up with her she would find out who i was and she would come to my house and tell my "DH" of what i was doing... well my "MM" told me not to worry and that he did not want to loose me and neither did he want to stop this therefore we kept seeing eachother but we have allways talked about pregnancy i told him that if she were to come out pregnant that would like kill or relationship because it would be like putting water on fire just like if i were to come out pregnant he would feel the same way about me so we were like okay "NO Pregnancy's".... "BUT" this morning he called and told me that he was home because she was home sick and i asked him whats wrong with her and he stood quite and said do you really want to know and i stood quite and well he said Yup shes pregnant Ahhhhhhh i mean i am like devastated i mean i dont even know what to think now i am like so confused i feel sad, betrayed,i mean i dont know what to think what should i do... i can tell on his voice that he felt weird to tell me but releived to finally get it out there to me (i am thinking that she must be like 2 months already) so i mean i do not know what to do now right after he told me he just said "Baby are you okay..You know I LOVE YOU and i need you soo much...

and i just told him i love you toooo but i have to get back to work...

What should i do?? I mean i feel bad that shes pregnant and i am with him i mean i guess you can say that i am being like considerate here why?? i do not know...i mean i know he is going to want me, need me more now because of the thought that she is going to get bigger and bigger,Annoying,grouchy(not that she is not already=) ... but i mean is this the sign that i should just back-off and let him see if they will work things out between them i do not know what to do i do love him and i mean i still want and need him but i do not know what to do at this point..

Please advise me........
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:11pm

Hi otherone,


This will really all come down to what you want out of your relationship with each other.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:58pm
I haven't had to deal with the "news" of pregnancy but MM has told me that his W wants to have another baby -

They have one child already and it's coming to that time where (as a woman) you start looking 9 months into the future and add up the ages of the 2 children and then plan the rest of your life - we have all done it --- what woman hasn't unless it was an 'opppsie' baby -


I am not trying to unjustify your feelings here -- it sucks I am sure ---

I have my family - I also have it so I can't have any more children so this isn't even an

issue with MM and I (about me having a family but if I wanted another baby WHO IS HE TO STOP ME ????) - but who am I to say to him I would be uncomfortable with your W being pregnant and having more children....how selfish am I already taking this Woman's H and falling in love with him ??? Why would I have an opinion if she selfishly decided it was time for another baby --- good luck to her ---

Sure there's envy there - she's having the baby of someone I adore and love ----

But I know if it came down to having a life with this man I will have some contact with this child(ren) as he would mine and why would I want to be bitter or angry about it -

Sure he would be excited about the new baby - I would HOPE so ---

Sure he would have to spend some additional time with his W --- hello he spends lots of time with her now -- I am sure I can be accomodating on the fact if she becomes pregnant - but I mean is it really going to CHANGE how you feet about MM or how he feels about you ???

He is M to this woman - guess what they might be having sex....guess what ...she might be pregnant ---

I mean we are all adults here and know how it works but for a MAN to say...ok I won't get my wife pregnant...that is fuuunnnnny (it's like saying hey I won't have sex with my W or H because I have a FANTASTIO EMA and dont' need you any more )

because I know when I was ready for babies ....I was the one who said to H --- hey you over here now...I want a baby !!!!

I respect my MM's W for even coming to him and asking him about it --- me I would be like...oh hey babe...got good news and bad news what do you want first...??

good news is you get to have sex...bad news is in 9 months you get to change a poopy !!!!

Really you just have to suck it up for the next few months and either deal with it or if you can't - then move on - but what a sorry reason to dump someone - because he chooses to bring a life into this world ---

Heck any person half the man my MM is would be a benifit to this world and that is what a baby he makes is !!!!

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:19pm
My MM's wife is pregnant too and I just found out a month ago. She is due in November. I was/still am crushed, hurt, devasted, angry, confused, torn, etc. You name it...I'm feeling it. We were (still am) in love with each other and believe we are each other's soul mates. It's been a LONG month: lots of tears, lots of talking about how we feel with each other, a lot of trying to understand, etc.

My MM was afraid to tell me because he knew that it would probably cause me to walk away. Problem is...as much as I want to tell him to leave me alone, I can't do it because I am in love with him. My MM already has a 17 month old son that is keeping him in this marriage. Due to his age (early 40's)and wife's age(late 30's), he was faced with the issue of providing his son with a sibling. He did not want his son to be an only child. He was torn and really felt like he had to decide between me and his son. Based on our responsibilities at home, we couldn't guarantee to each other that we would be together someday. He decided that since he is staying in this marriage for his son (at least for now), then he would give his son a brother or sister. His marriage is not doing well at all and this pregnancy is causing more stress. It was (still is) very difficult for me to understand why he would have a child with someone he doesn't love but he kept insisting that he did it for his son. Not having any kids myself, it's hard for me to understand this. I would have preferred that he kept it at one child but it's not place to demand that.

Anyway...the decision I made within myself is that I will continue to be there for him although I no longer have hopes that we will be together. He needs to be with his son (and his unborn child) and I need to stay with my husband. I realize that I don't feel comfortable taking someone from their children. If he makes the decision to walk away someday, that's fine, it is completely up to him and the state of his marriage. Will I be there for him? I honestly don't know anymore. What has come out of this recent news is that I realize that I am comfortable in my life with my husband and I am happy having my MM in my life as my lover and best friend. I am fine living both lives. Do I feel bad? Heck, yes...everyday. Can I stop? No.

My MM and I are fully aware that these next few months will be VERY difficult. Especially for me. He has left the decision up to me whether I want to stay or leave because he doesn't want me to be any more hurt than I already am. I told him I would stick around as long as I can...for him and for us. The only thing we can do is promise to each other that we will give our relationship 200% effort and hope that our love will get us through this very difficult time.

Sweet is right (and I listen to her ALL THE TIME:-), you need to determine what you want out of this relationship. What you need to determine is if you feel comfortable simply being a "part" of his life or if you want more from this relationship (i.e. a future together).

Good luck. God knows...I feel for you. I am still sick everytime I think of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:15pm
Hello-

I have been in your situation on both sides. My MM's W and I have gotten pregnant during out year and a half A. First off I want to ask did you and MM ever talk about leaving your spouses to be with each other? My MM and I are more like friends with benefits and have never even considered being together permanently. It was strange when we first found out about each others. I was more weirded out when he told me about his W. I thought I had been punched in the stomach b/c I thought he'd be so into her and not want to continue. Well, that was not the case. We are still as strong if not stronger (both babies were born over 5 months ago). The reason I asked about being together permanently is b/c children have been to keep people in marriages. It would be much harder for someone to leave a M if they have to leave their child. I don't think you have to worry about the two of you. Besides a little extra nc around the births we were no worse off. I do know how you feel though. I hated wondering about it. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:56pm
Thanks soo much on all your reply's regarding this matter....

Well i spoke to my MM and we are actually going to see eachother tonight he said that he needs to see me and talk to me and hear it from me what steps am i taking and that whatever i agree to do he will allways loves me..To answer some of your questions well we have been in this EMA for 1 year and he already has (1)Child with "W" and No Briatan we have never talked about us getting together at all actually we have even said that we are both comfortable at our homes but very comfortable when we spend time together as well...

I love him and i am sure that he loves me to but ia m sure this love is like a total different love than the one i have for my "H" and the one he has for his"W" but just the thought of all this pregnancy is driving me crazy i know what you mean Kikki that i do not have the right to decide for his wife yeah it is stupid of me to think that i can bud in like that i mean you are right they spend all there night together all there weekend together and well i am sure that he must do all the nice things he does for me and yes i guess you can say that i am "Jeleous" of her at this momment but not really jeleous i guess just that she has him more than me i guess=)

but then again i think that its best when we see eachother not so often we make more of us this EMA=) but like "Torngal" said its just the thought why does he want another baby when hes not happy with his "W" i just think that its going to be difficult for me to cope with it i know i can cope with it i am just so confused that at this moment i do not know what to really think and do i guess really down deep inside of me i want to wnd this "EMA" i feel bad sometimes with my "H" but then again when i am with "MM" i block all my other life and say "No i can't leave him this is just to good for both of us.

Please girls let me know what you all think and also to let you know my "MM is 5 years younger than me =) Yup 5 years im 30 he is 25 do you think he's just to young for this EMA and he says that this is the first time he has acually considered being in a EMA plus i have seen picture's of his "W" and shes a pretty Girl, Good Job,the problem with her is that she has a very ugly,Nasty, Childish attitude......(So he say's huh)

Thanks Ladies talk to you all soon...