The W

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
The W
32
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 10:39am

Okay..Here are some thoughts..If you had your choice would you rather be you or be her? He says he loves her. He's closest to her..yet here he is cheating on her. I'm going to be honest here in saying this and a part of me feels bad for even saying it. I saw his wife for the first time and I was shocked that she wasn't more beautiful. I was expecting her to be gorgeous because he is. And she's not at all. Just very simple and plain looking. I felt weird that I even thought that..but truly I was expecting some great beauty. I know love is not about looks. But has anyone thought that about their AP's wife? Do some of you think what is it he gets in me that he isn't getting from her? What is he attracted to?

It was so difficult for me to watch her because I felt like such a jerk..knowing what I know. I'm going to walk away again..but I can't go back on EAS until I've been in NC for a long time..it feels unfair to the women trying to support me. I feel like a misfit..lost and in limbo. Choose life or death..cuz purgatory is no fun! Someone said that to me once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
In reply to: logan74
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 7:42am

Hi atwitsend,


I too do not belong on EAS which is where I started, thinking, praying and wanting to be done with this mess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
In reply to: logan74
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 9:21am
I was totally blown away when I saw XAP W!!! Sure, she's 12 years younger than I but she isn't attractive AT ALL! She got pregnant young and he still didn't marry her until the first child was 2 years old. They've since had two more kids. She's been in rehab and gone through thousands of dollars using drugs (or so he says). I've learned that maybe everything he said about her may not be true and no longer judge her as a bad W. After all, he feel in love with her for some reason and obviously still loves her...he's still there...he chose her...not me. He also said she won't work or clean house and I know he handles all the finances and duties of the kids. I've seen him run himself ragged handling his home with no help from her and this I do know to be true. But yet, he loves her and not me and takes care of her like you would a child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: logan74
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 2:01am

Ladies (those who have been on EAS)


I can no longer sit on my hands.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: logan74
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 11:41am
don't know "whateva you wanna call him" told me that if he'd met me before her...we'd be together...she wouldn't have existed...not sure he'd do the same with me that he does to her...i'm very different from her...so i'm not sure about this..i would want him all to myself but no marriage...in a nutshell i'd like to think it'd be just me and him...but who knows...?????

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: logan74
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:08pm

hello clarity and yes you are right.

~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: logan74
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:46pm
interesting reply...but i do not think all of them sound like they are addicted to their affairs nor do i feel i am addicted to mine....it really just is what it is.... as you know..all people enter them because of different reasons...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: logan74
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 2:55pm

An addict is someone who has become dependent on something.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: logan74
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 1:46pm
obxbell i'm not dependant on anyone's love, we are drawn to one another..but dependant on his love no...do i want to love him..yes, does he want to love me yes..but addiction..that's a very strong word...and i don't think it applies....i might say some are obsessed, enthralled, possessed by their AP's but not addicted to...i know my life will go on if "whateva you wanna call him" and I are no longer together and I will keep it moving.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: logan74
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 1:52pm
maybe he's addicted to me....well, i wouldn't call it addiction..i'd say something else..i don't really think it's an addiction when the feels are mutual....and there's no push or pull from either side....that's why i say i'm not addicted...."whateva you wanna call him" still treats me the way he did over a year ago when we first started this, like a woman should be treated..he still open doors, he still pays for everything, he still calls everyday, still texts, still wants to spend time..still does spend time and comes over even when we are having an "OFF" time...(by off i mean acting like we are not together)...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: logan74
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 2:16pm

tygerzize,

Its addiction, obsession or something else but all i would say after everytime reading your posts is that you are in deep , really in-deep, hun ;-) which sometimes sounds unreal! i am happy for you that its equally reciprocated.

you are very lucky to have found one that makes you feel all what you write.you really are!