Waited a long time for this day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Waited a long time for this day...
4
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:34pm
Hello Again :)

I'm not sure here if anyone has read my few posts in the last month, but I will do an update anyhow...

Well my MM is getting a legal seperation next Monday. Hes sick of his wifes crap, and realizes that he can do without her and still be in his kids lifes. I'm not holding out any hope considering alot can change between now and next Monday. We did talk about spending New Years Eve together yesterday, but I'm not holding out any hope for that either..lol considering alot can change from now and then. I live from day to day when it come to him, so that way I wont get my feelings hurt if he has change of plans, even though it hurts anyway.

This may sound alittle stupid...but has anyone in here ever dated a MM and you yourself are a single person and then the MM gets a divorce. The reason I ask...I'm alittle scared of him becoming single again. What if he decides that he's been stuck in a 9 year relationship and wants to go out and explore what the single life has to offer him, and kicks me to the curb. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't blame him if he would want to explore, but i've invested so much emotional energy in him that I'm scared and alittle attached. it's alittle strange, because I've so waited for this day to come, but now that its almost here I can't seem to enjoy it :o/.

Thanks for reading...I know my grammer sucks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:12am
Superfly, in a perfect world we would all be able to see what is really the best for the big picture and be able to set our personal feelings aside for the greater good, but as we all know, we dont exist in a perfect world. Realistically speaking it is ALWAYS a good idea to not jump from one relationship directly into another without taking some time for soul searching and cleansing of the heart and soul. From personal experience I know first hand how difficult it is to not dive into a relationship with your EMA partner when your marriage comes to an end. I did it myself. I was divorced in August and engaged just a few short months later. Looking back I wish I had taken the time to date more because that is what I SHOULD have done but my heart led me otherwise. I wouldnt change it now because I have found a man who is a perfect life partner for me but at the time I took a huge leap of faith. I find it extremely hard to believe your MM will want to do the dating thing as men are typically creatures of habitat and once they are content they typically don't stir the pot. Is that a good thing or a bad thing though? It's impossible to predict your future but just try to look at the big picture and keep the faith...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:30am
You're doing what I do -- borrowing trouble. Of course what you mentioned is a possibility, but from what I've seen the type of man who gets involved with the next woman before leaving his current woman is generally the type who does not like to be alone. It depends on the man, of course...some just like to have more than one woman at a time but if that's the case, you have problems anyway, right? My guess is that you'll be together someday but you're going to have to give him time. I think the kids thing isn't going to work out as easily as he's thinking. He's used to seeing them every day and he's not sounding like he's prepared for the reality of sharing custody...

Anyway, enjoy and be optimistic about the future. You have a lot to look forward to. There are never any guarantees, even in a normal relationship, so you just have to hope that the future will be as bright as you've always dreamed. The worst that could happen is you don't end up together and you find someone else who makes you equally as happy if not happier...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:32pm
Thank you both for your reply :)

Regarding his kids....he see's them everyday now because his mother is the day care provider..lol and they haven't been living together for over 3 months. Plus the kids spend 3 nights out of the week and every other weekend with him, so he seems them alot.

I do have to look at the big picture...and no, I wouldnt want him to jump from one relationship into another. I don't think he's much of a dater, but I would want him to explore other possabilites. I try and imagin myself in his shoes and honestly I think I would want to explore my options. I guess I'm just alittle scared to let go!! Everything happenes for a reason, and maybe his reasons will lead him to me :) It's nice to dream!

Have a wonderful Holiday & Happy New Year

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 12:18pm
Hello Superfly,

My story was briefly posted. My M was and still technically is a MM. His divorce will be final in feb 2004. He and I have known and been inlove since high school. But, you know. life takes us on a long journey before letting us rest and find love and happiness. His wife sounds alot like my mans. And they have two girls as well. I just want to let you know that being in the same situation as yourself. I have had those doubts. Things like " he's been in this miserable relationship, maybe he doesnt want to jump in another so soon. " What if he wants to have otherk experiences with other people. See, I was the single one and only because it is him am I ready to settle. I am content. What helped us and me with those insecurities was to have a discussion about how things were gonna go once he left the home. His first and most important issue were the girls and making sure they were still provided for. It was hard at first, because the stbx was using them (and still does to this very moment) and he was doing the jump when she calls things. It had almost gotten to the point where I was ready to walk away because it was too stressful. The talk we had was open and honest. but it worked. we are together and have a 5 month old child. he doesnt want to lose us. He told me how he has waited for this chance all his life and doesn't need to wait to see if it is "right". we are happy and truly in love. hopefully this divorce will be over soon and we can get on with our lives and his two girls share in all the happiness as well. (their mother does her darnest to keep them away from him, she is the DEVIL)