Wanted - guide to understanding men
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|Thu, 07-26-2012 - 8:32pm|
Married nearly 15 years now. According to my husband, we stopped being married 2 years or more ago. He just forgot to tell me until about a year ago. So now it's just a waiting game until we can make it official. There are certain things I'm unwilling to change about my life just because he wants a divorce so it's slowing the process down. Interestingly, we get along better now than we did before his "oh by the way" moment. I think he has moments of regret but I honestly can't say the same. Once I've been hurt deeply, I put up a wall to make sure that I'm not hurt by that person again. I have no idea if he has someone else but the idea of it doesn't seem to bother me like it should. I guess that's a sign that I've moved on mentally?
The last few months I've been changing my life. I'm happier, healthier and more confident. I think *think* that's caught the attention of a co-worker. We've gone from casual joking to full out flirting (according to another co-worker we are embarassing to be around). A couple of weeks ago I snuck out of work and went out to lunch with him. He insisted on paying and later told me it was the best lunch he'd had in a while...which it WAS good BBQ so I didn't read into that too much. Last week he told me that he had a dream about me. Nothing prompted him to say it. He just glanced over at me during a moment of silence, did a little smile and said it. I just raised my eyebrows and he said it was a good one and he'd have to tell me about it later. Am I off base to think that if it was anything but a sexual dream, he would have just told me about it THEN? We were alone for the next hour. I would have asked him to spill it but I kind of wanted to keep that little nugget for next week when I'll have him to myself with no risk of someone walking in. I want this guy. Some days I'm certain he wants me. Other days I think I'm reading him totally wrong.
I have no fear that he couldn't be discreet. I think he has as much to lose as I do, perhaps more. And I don't have a fear that when/if it ends, it will wreck our friendship. I guess my fear is that if I'm totally off base, it's going to suddenly be an elephant in the room. Next week I'll be working alone with him most of the morning. No fear of anyone walking in or overhearing anything. However, I won't have that long to fix things if I'm off track before he leaves for an extended break. On one hand I think about how I can't lose him because he IS a bright spot in my life but on the other hand, I find myself becoming incredibly frustrated with him being an unknown in my life. And now *I* am the one dreaming about him and that's adding to the frustrations even more.
I can look a horse in the eye and know instantly what he's thinking and what he wants me to do but trying to figure out one guy trips me up. What would you do? Did he give me an open door to walk through with the dream comment? With all the buzz about how women are so complicated, I'd like to point out that men aren't exactly simple I like love adrenaline rushes so I guess there's a little thrill to this hunt.