Wanting an affair with, I think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wanting an affair with, I think...
41
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:22am
I am married successful working mom who has come to know a similiar type man. There is some type of spark between us but I am unsure of what he thinks about me... My friend says that he may be interested but either chooses not to pursue because of what he could lose or may be unable to pursue. Please don't think I'm vain- but I am considered a very attractive woman. I would never want either one of us to leave our spouses/current lives but I think we could bond and have something together that our neither spouse can give us. There are so many details of course, but how can I tell if there is something worth pursuing? What is his interest is? I am willing to give this a 'go'. I am 40, he 43 so we are no 'kids' at what there is we both have on the line... Help?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:42am

hi vles and welcome to the board.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:26pm
Thank you for your reply. This board is a god-send to me. My M is ok. Very typical. My H is a good guy who loves me. I have a nice life. However, I have no passion, no desire for him. My entire 'being' is void of sex for him. I love my H but my soul aches for this other MM. I think my friend is happy. He is a great dad, active in his kids things, etc. His wife (who I have met) is a very sweet woman. A stay-at-home mom. A little on the plain jane side looks wise. (which I am not downgrading or being mean). I would imagine they have been married 15+yrs. I have tried flirting via emails but always pull back in the end of them by making a comment that will protect myself. A very good guy friend of mine who I ahve confided in on this as well, thinks I close the door and my 'friend' may not even really know that I have some type of feelings for him. My 'friend' and I are involved in the same organization so that's how we know each other. He did come to my home one day when I was working from there (no one else was home)to drop something off ( related to the organization). He left an hour later. His cell phone rang and he turned it off immediatley. Whoever it was, wife, business contact, kid, etc. at that point in time, his time with me was first and foremost. We did discuss a few personal things about our lives. He is impressed with my career position and I wonder if that is appealing/attractive to him? Again, there was a spark for sure that day on both sides; otherwise he would have left right away. He did touch my arm for a slight moment when he left. Not sure if that means anything. Again, there are so many details.... I would like to at least keep this R goign on a friendly basis. I don't want to show my cards, be rejected and lose the friendship. Ug, what can I do?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:56pm

hey, calm down!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:30pm
You are right in your response on all of this and I knew that's the way this was going to be all along. Just so hard to let go of a dream and desire. At least I didn't ruin a friendship with him. Maybe I'll ask him to lunch some time AS FRIENDS DO; if he accepts, I know I can be casual and accept it for what it is. Friends, nothing more. If he declines, well then unfortunately he does not even want a casual friendship.

You have been great- thank you so much for telling me the way it is. I can't stand the sugar-coating that a friend gave me. ("it's not you..it's him"..."his loss", etc..). It is more appreciated than you will EVER know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:36pm

you're welcome vles!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:24pm
HI- me again.... I wanted to add a two little something's to this....

1.A week agi at a local sporting event, I made no eye- contact with him and pretended not to see him. As he walked behind me, he said Hi and chatted. He could have walked right behind me and said nothing. In his mind, I was oblivious that he was even there. So, agin, not that this means anything but I still believe somehow HE wanted me to notice he was there and HE felt the need to make contact.

2. Last night, he came to another sporting event that I attended (home town varsity hockey game). Anyhow- he planted himself right in front of where I was standing so I had no choice but to notice him. He could have gone and stood by all the other dads; but did not. So, I took the oppty and walked up and we chatted for about 5 mins. Game was over by that time.

Can this be construed as anything positive??? I know it does not give open door to A, but I feel there IS something?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:44pm

hi vles and of course, it means something!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 3:43pm
I love what your telling me but please remember your last post to me however ( before today's). He is just being friendly and I doubt if I kicked it up a notch OM would bite. (remember, nice guy, good dad, etc...) HOWEVER, I wish he WOULD hunt me a little.... I need the ego stroke at this point in time; and unfortunately want it from him- NOT H.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 3:54pm

hi vles, yes honey i remember my other posts to you.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 4:28pm
Oh Vyles, Gurl gives such good advice that I hate to intrude. I'm not so good at it myself and I'm hurting so much these days that it is hard. BUT, I would give anything to be where you are right now in my situation and turn back the calendar one full year. I would change everything. I was exactly where you are right now one year ago. The beginning stages are so great, being pursued, the ego boost, can't wait to see him, will he notice me, what will he say, playing it all over in you head while you lay in bed that night. Wanting more, not from H, but from this OM. Like Gurl says be careful what you wish for because it will probably happen. Then there are so many other issues that the fun kind of becomes an afterthought. Maybe your OM won't, but so many of the guys run at this point and then you will be waiting for that e-mail, or that call, wanting it back the way it was in the beginning, wishing you had never crossed that line. I'm there right now. You say you are beautiful, so am I, your 40, so am I, you are intelligent and successful, so am I, you have a H and a family, so do I. We are so alike in so many ways, except you are just full of excitement right now and I am full of confusion and pain. I was you one year ago. Please do whatever you can now for yourself to figure out why you need this attention from this OM. Don't go where I am, it's hell. This is all just my opinion, but I'm giving it to you straight from my heart, C

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