Is wanting happiness for myself, selfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Is wanting happiness for myself, selfish
2
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 5:14pm
Hello

I hope that I have came to the right place. I am a 55 year old man who is married for 35 years. I have been involved with a woman, alot younger than I for a little over a year now. She is everything I have ever wanted, I do love her more than anything and I do so very much want to spend my life with her. She lives in another state than I. I have moved to be with her twice but find myself coming back to my life here. Not wanting to but feeling like I should. Knowing in my heart that she is where I want to be.

I am now living at home with my wife. And this has not been the first time I have cheated there have been several without my 35 year marriage. I am wanting to leave my wife and get a divorce to be with this wonderful woman. But am I being selfish for wanting to finally be happy in my life?? Hurting my wife and family for my happiness? I am very depressed now and have been ever sence coming back here. All I can think of is being with this woman. And I know that I will never be happy if I stay with my wife.

So I'm looking for some of your opinions.. Am I being selfish or not?

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 6:14pm
I do not think you are being selfish, at all. Selfish would be to keep stringing your wife and the OW along when you know exactly what you want and where you want to be. A lot of posters on this board are confused and continue on in their M's and R's because they don't know what they want. It seems to me you know exactly what you want. I wish you luck and true happiness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 6:36pm
It's kind of hard to answer you yet your stroy seems one of many. You say you have had many affairs which to me would shout out your not happy at home.

You have left a few times but returned which also says something.

I guess you need to ask yourself is it love or is it sex. Has it always been sex in the past, just a little excitment or a need to be wanted and noticed?

You have spent many years with a woman who must know about your cheating. If she does, she tolerates it because she loves you very much. Or she is afraid to be alone, afraid to try and go live without you?? There could be many reasons.

You need to ask yourself why do you always go back? Is it out of guilt or out of love that you return. And what are you afraid of?

This woman you have been with for a year, is it love or ego of having a younger woman who meets your physical needs? What do you share with her other then sex. Do you really feel you would be happy with her in time? You say you love her yet your questioning what your doing?

What do you have to say here.

I know many people who have left home to be happy and they are. But they pay a big price sometimes when it comes to family. If you have kids,do they know, would they accept this or understand? Or will they cut you out of their lives? I know it sounds cold, but this does happen. Have you given this any thought?

A lot has to do with if you can live with your decision. No matter how happy you may be with someone else, your guily may override this and destroy any attempts at being happy.

Only you know what is bothering you more.