Wanting Sex - But Can't?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Wanting Sex - But Can't?
1
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 9:27am
I've been seeing my MM for 16mos and we've had our share of ups and downs during that time. He's always limited sex to a couple times a month. It's his way of controlling the emotions he says. Just recently he has begun seriously talking divorce w/his wife. She is on her way out b/c she doesn't make him happy any more. They have no kids, but have been together for about 10years, have a great house, lots of toys. He makes good money, she makes practically nothing. So, they have a lot to work out.

Just recently he told me we can't have sex for a while. He said if it wasn't for his situation we would have sex all the time. But for now he can't and hopes I understand. I want to understand, but I don't. But I also don't want to ask. He says by the next month or so things he believes everything will be much better and he'll finally be happy. He still comes to see me sometimes two or three times a week. We hang out and watch tv or do things around the house together. He tells me he's so sexually frustrated and that sometimes being with me is difficult. But he needs to control himself.

My question - has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any idea what I'm supposed to be understanding? What do you think he means?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:17am
hi nyblond. when i started reading your post, i thought we might be seeing the same MM, but when i got to the part about "no sex" i knew your MM was much different from mine!

but seriously, the only reason i can think of for him initiating the "no sex" rule is that he places a lot of importance on the intimacy of the act and right now if he's trying to separate from his W, he wants to be a little disconnected from you via the sex, but still maintain some kind of contact, thus, the coming over 2-3 times a week. also, men actually much prefer the affection, attention and not having to perform with the woman they love than sex all the time. at least that's what i read.

so, my only advice would be to wait out the month he referred to and then sit down and have a serious talk with him about what you want and need from the relationship. ultimately you have to make yourself happy. but communication is the key.

good luck and take care,

gurl