Wat the Heck am I doing? (long sry)
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Wat the Heck am I doing? (long sry)
| Fri, 03-05-2010 - 10:10am |
Ok I am sure that this is going to get confusing to some here and I know that even though this is a board for affairs I know that on many, many levels I have crossed a line no married woman should cross!
I feel like the most worthless of trailer trash..... the epitome of a hickey a** redneck!
I have been having an ongoing A for close to 2 yrs now the thing is my AP lives with my husband & I!! It is so hard to keep one life separate from the other!! I have created so much stress & tension in my life right now that I am questioning ever decision I have ever made, by now though I am so caught up in the tangle of lies that I feel as if there are no end to it! I am confused about what to do!!
I am 39 yrs old and was in a sexless marriage for 9 yrs before starting an A.... it just kind of happened..... but now I am stuck!! I only intended for it to be a sex thing like I am sure many people do but turned into one of the most complicated, confusing, & stupidest things I have ever done! By this point I am at a lose for what to do..... my husband is 32 and a workaholic/alcoholic who never has time for me but takes wonderful care of me financially as I am disabled and cant work, But because my H makes to much I cant draw disability and I have no money so I cant leave.... My A however is almost 21 yrs old and doesnt have a job (he is actually my brothers g/f nephew)we spend all our time together.... sounds perfect but emotionally I am exhausted!! The problem is that at this point I am in love with both of them and so scared and confused on which way to go.....any suggestion , comments or commentary would be so helpful!
I feel like the most worthless of trailer trash..... the epitome of a hickey a** redneck!
I have been having an ongoing A for close to 2 yrs now the thing is my AP lives with my husband & I!! It is so hard to keep one life separate from the other!! I have created so much stress & tension in my life right now that I am questioning ever decision I have ever made, by now though I am so caught up in the tangle of lies that I feel as if there are no end to it! I am confused about what to do!!
I am 39 yrs old and was in a sexless marriage for 9 yrs before starting an A.... it just kind of happened..... but now I am stuck!! I only intended for it to be a sex thing like I am sure many people do but turned into one of the most complicated, confusing, & stupidest things I have ever done! By this point I am at a lose for what to do..... my husband is 32 and a workaholic/alcoholic who never has time for me but takes wonderful care of me financially as I am disabled and cant work, But because my H makes to much I cant draw disability and I have no money so I cant leave.... My A however is almost 21 yrs old and doesnt have a job (he is actually my brothers g/f nephew)we spend all our time together.... sounds perfect but emotionally I am exhausted!! The problem is that at this point I am in love with both of them and so scared and confused on which way to go.....any suggestion , comments or commentary would be so helpful!

Oh, boy, that does sound confusing, but it sounds like the AP has to go.
My AP really has no where to go, that is why he is staying with us...... He has left on 3 occasions and returns everytime because both his parents are on drugs very badly.....I feel bad for him, He has no job and when he is staying with his parents what little money he gets from odd jobs they take for drug money. I have even tried to explain that he needs to be 21 and find a nice girl and have kids one day instead of trying to take care of me..... He does help me ALOT because of my disability and the fact that my H is never around and even when he is he is drunk and passed out on the couch.....
As I said I am in such an awkward position... my H was the first to cheat first with my step mom and then with a girl who I thought was a close and dear friend..... I try to be an honest person and the fact that I am having to keep secrets is killing me. I hate the thought of hurting either one of these men!! I have relied on my H for so long now in the financial dept that idk if I can make it alone..... part of me is scared that I am going to end up alone as an "old cat lady" or something, that I am to afraid to leave H and go with AP.... it is all a never ending circle of lies and confusion that I feel I have nowhere to turn!