Way too soon..
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|Wed, 08-29-2012 - 8:11pm|
17 days into this and I get hit with the heavy shtuff. It's funny. I sat there with the doctor, with a smile on my face because I'd spent the entire morning with my cowboy and the doctor looks at me, sighs heavily and says, "Normally after talking to my patients about the issue that brings them in, I tell them it's all perfectly normal and not to worry. But with you, none of this is normal and I'm going to order tests." I told him he really knows how to wreck a girl's day but I wouldn't hold it against him if he came back with news that I could handle.
I went home early and H was there. He didn't ask me how the appointment went. I went upstairs and started cleaning the kitchen. That's when cowboy texted me asking if I was still smiling so I told him that I just had a mean nurse attack me with a needle and he asked if everything was okay (he knew I was going but I kind of lied and said it was routine). I told him that everything is okay when I'm around him. I don't have any pain. I'm not scared or worried. Not around him at least. I bury it deep and just lose myself in how happy he makes me feel. What I didn't tell him was when he leaves, it's like a Mack truck hits me and by the time I get home that evening, I feel like I've been dragged over rocks by a wild mustang. And then I start thinking about how this is just way too soon for him to be thrown into something this scary and he could just vanish. I guess that's when that stupid Realistic person in me says if he does vanish, he wasn't worth it but damn, she starts telling me that it's not really right to even want him to go through this. It's too soon for something this heavy
3 hours later H asked me what the doctor said. I told him I had to go for more tests and if it's what my mom had when she's my age that I'll just have surgery and take care of the issue permanently. His response? Wouldn't you have to miss work if you had surgery? Who would take care of the kids? Ok. So he's worried it'll create more work for him and Cowboy is worried about me.