We got busted!!!! (What to do now?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
We got busted!!!! (What to do now?)
15
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 12:39pm
Yup we got busted, well it al so happens that my "MM" was away out of town and his "W" went through his e-mails she found the password and all well he has all my e-mails archived and she went through every single one of them and she now knows everything just everything and she e-mailed me and told me that i ruined her marriage and that she is now willing and determan to ruin mine that she wants to meet me to talk.

Well i have not spoken to "MM" I am assuming that he must be on complte "Lowjack Security" therefore he has not called me or nothing so what to do now????? please i need some feedbacks ASAP...

Thanks girls,

MaruBaby

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 2:23pm
Holy cow! Well, obviously he wasn't very careful if he had his password where she could find it or if she guessed it and it was just that easy. Had he been smart, he wouldn't have kept your e-mails archived anyway. COVER YOUR TRACKS, PEOPLE!!! Nothing is secure...if your spouse knows anyone who knows a lot about computers, they can probably find a way into anything. Just assume that and don't keep crap out there, even for sentimental reasons, even if it's just online.

Anyway, I don't think I'd meet her. What's that going to solve? Plus, you don't know how psycho this woman is. If you don't meet her, the worst she can do is go to your husband with all she knows and the only proof she has is a bunch of e-mails. If I were you, I'd go to your computer now, delete your account with that e-mail provider, and remove all traces of the website where you access your e-mail from your computer. Even if it's your work PC. She has your account name now, and that's proof. Of course, technically, the account could be traced to you if the courts were to order such information. It's been known to happen. But would she go that far? That's the question.

Still, I've seen it written on here, deny, deny, deny. I think I'd take the chance of being found out to have lied and lie until you absolutely can't anymore. Take the chance that she won't somehow be able to prove the A. Even if he admits it, it's his word against hers. But if you meet her, you're all but admitting the affair. What do you think she's going to do, tell you if you break off all contact she won't come after you? Doubtful.

Maybe others on here will have better advice than I do. I've never been in your situation. It's like something out of a movie or soap opera! I doubt your MM will try to contact you at this point. He would surely know better... It's probably not a good idea for you to contact him either. Just be careful. You don't know what this woman is capable of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 3:00pm
Thanks sooo much for your reply... Well i have more new to tell you well he called me a litle while ago and told me that she actually went "Psycho" on him last night that nothing he had ever seen(on her) she broke stuff, she hit him, she screamed, she cried everything i can imagine of. He said that after she cooled off that they were talking and that she told him that she was going to forgive him beacuse things will get better between them that he has to i guess promise her that "i would be out of the picture forever" and she asked him to give her information about me but of course my "MM" says that he's not...(men are sooo stupid that i am like really scared that he will)She told him that she wants to know who i am and that shes not going to be in peace till she gets all my information and that if it takes her to higher a private investigator she will...

Well i told him well i guess this is the goodbye now and he just says well for right now maru. "But i dont want to loose you "i really love you" I can tell in his voice that he was like really shaken up for all that was happening but my thing is how can he be soo stupid that she was able to get his password right.. well yes i agree with you i will cancel my e-mail address with this provider. another thing that i will do i have to do is find a way to convice my "H" to change our house number and my cell number but how can i do that?????? for what my "MM" told me she's like really "Psycho" thats why hes all shaken up well she told him that how can be sleeping with both of us at the same time that he use to come from me to her and from her to me.... i can imagine she must be calling me every word in the dictionary right now so what more can i do...

Ohh the e-mail that i sent her well i just told her that "i am sorry for that she had to find out about our "Friendship" but that if she would be his friend and not just his wife he would not be looking for girl's as friends.. and that all she needs to know is that whatever we had has finished and thats it..(I think i should have not replyed)

Tooo late all the damage has been done already what else can i say.. only to all you all be very careful dont get caught like me and well never the less i am going through just a time of how can i say " i guess just anxiety dont know what to expect now"

Thanks for all your advise i am just like soooo out of it right now....

Marubaby

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 3:50pm
I don't think this is the end of your R if you don't want it to be, but I'd definitely watch out for her. She's going to be keeping a close eye on him, possibly forever, waiting for him to slip up and you don't want her to find out who you are. Just cover your tracks better. Why do you need to change your #s? Did he call you from his cell phone or something where it can be traced? I guess you could fake a bunch of hangups and say you're tired of the prank calls, but that might make H suspicious when he isn't already. If you switch cell phone providers, you get a new number automatically. Is your contract up where you could change companies? I think her reaction is probably more common than any other. Most women go through a total rage when they find out their husband is cheating. The violence and anger was given to him instead of you -- as it should be. People are always eager to blame the other party when they really should look at their marriage and their spouse and blame them first. I think we all could find ourselves in your shoes eventually and I thank you for your post. It's really put my own EMA into a new perspective. I'm more resolved than ever to keep this from going to the next level. If his wife ever found out and we had to stop speaking, it would devastate me. I'd rather just have a friendly flirtation for now than to have nothing at all. Even kissing is a bad idea. We could so easily be caught and losing our friendship just isn't worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 4:04pm
When W of MM contacted me I was crapping!! I was so nervous I had no idea what to say but to deny anything...the only thing she asked was what was going on between me and H - I told her we were good friends...and she said friends dont leave messages like that. Im like well believe what you want and if you have any concerns you need to talk to your H. We got caught after coming from New Orleans a few weeks ago she was outside about 1/2 block from my house...she came and saw me in the car with me got off her truck and came towards the car slamming her hands on the windshield...i was like OMG - MM told her to move out of the way and we took off..I had a friend pick me up and he told her he was going home for her to be home too. But of course after all this she is still there he asked her for a D she said NO she wanted to work things out. I dont know about these women staying in a R when they know their H is cheating. It seems your MM's W might be the same...wanna work things out. What does your MM say??

I really dont have much advise to give you but be carefull and deny everything or just tell her to talk to H. I really have not lied to W I just go around the questions. The last time I talked to her she called me and asked me why I went to New Orleans with H...I said I think you already asked your H that and got the answer...she left it alone!! I told her I would back away but she had to ask her H to tell me and she said she has and he has said NO..I said well you got your answer. Any problems you have would be between you and your H. I just told her you cant keep someone who does not want to be kept.

Just be carefull and deny ... I would tell hubby that there has been alot of hangup calls or telemarketing or something and that you requested a number change. As far as your cell keep the ringer off while your with hubby for now.

I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 4:41pm
I have a tip for you - SAVE the emails, phone messages and whatever else you can save as "proof". Like Secret said, you might need to it to ward off the psycho wife/guilty MM. If she wants to get psycho let her get him not you. If she threatens you, tell her you will call the police and follow through. You just commited adultery not a crime. You don't have to deal with her tantrums. If she wants to blame somebody ask her to look to her husband, after all he is one who broke the vows, as far as she is concerned, not you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 8:33pm
Thanks to all you girls for your advises...

Well as far as to why i should change my cell phone and my house number is because thats where he calls me to., Well he calls me to my cell and if i tell him i am home he calls me at home he only calls me from his cell never from his house and his cell bill goes to his mother's house so my only concern is that "W" can talk to his mother about giving her the cell invoice. you see at this moment i trust him but like i said (men can be sooo stupid that i dont know if he would be that stupid)

You know what the good thing is that my "MM" does not even know where i live either. i never told him because we have allways met at our "secret places" i know where he lives because he told me he wanted me to know where he lived and so fourth.....

Well he called me again a little bit ago to tell me that he can't really talk but that he loves me and misses me and to please give him sometime (WHAT SHOULD I DO???) Of course i still love him and i can't stop thinking about him i wish that none of this would have happend at least not yet we had soooo many plans for the next weeks and well now they are kinda like in "standby" well what i am going to do??? Well one thing i know is that i am going to tell my "H" that i have been getting alot of hang-ups and wrong number calls and that we should consider changing our number as far as to my cell number i wont change it i am going to keep it off when "H" is with me and well i guess we will see what happens she has not replyed to my e-mail because she e-mailed me from her job and well since the drama of last night she did not go to work therefore till monday i will have for you guys the follow -up and that e-mail it should be really interesting to see what she has to say.

well she forgave him so imagine now he must kissing-up to her like crazy i am sure that this weekend will be long,long,long for him (Honeymoon time:=(

Well girls thanks soo much for all your advises i truly appreciate your feedbacks and if you have any other suggestions they are more than welcome.

Ps.... Girl's be very careful please tell you "MM" to not be as stupid as mine was and leave all this e-mails memorable(forwhat???)

Well best luck to you all & hope to hear from you all soon.

Maru
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 7:49pm
Dear Maru,

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. As

one of your posters said, you should never keep

your old emails. It is also against human nature

to want to destroy all those lovely words and

feelings too, so I am sympathetic.

Since you are using a computer on the internet

to access these emails, use it as a tool to grab

an encryption package from the net. Just search

on Yahoo or Google for "file encryption" and grab

a program. There are a lot of good free tools

available.

Then use this tool to encrypt the files you

can't bear to delete but need to keep secret.

Never write down your password to anything,

especially the encryption tool. I favor passwords

that are nonsense words, that is, words that don't

really exist. Do not use the poem Jabberwocky

for inspiration, make up your own words.

If you do this, you may have to explain the

existance of encrypted files, but you will not

be in Maru's shoes.

BTW, I use F-secure desktop file encryption,

it works and encrypts so well that only the CIA

is likely to be able to break in. If they are

after you, you are on your own.

Finally, Virgin has a line of cell phones that work

on pre-paid minutes. No bill is ever sent to your

house. I am going to get one of these, I have been

called to task by my phone bill dissecting W for

mysterious calls. I think they are a good idea. I saw

these at Best Buy the other day.

Good luck Maru,

ditr

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 9:19pm
I have a question for you txsandy. Why did your mm ask his w for a divorce? Why does he need her permission? If he wants to divorce her he can. It might be a pain, but why would he ask her permission? I just wondered. My h doesn't want a divorce, but too bad, that's what's happening. Maybe I just don't understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 11:11pm
hhhhhhhh


Edited 9/19/2003 12:20:51 PM ET by lexylew
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 11:53pm
Well ladies as i promised keeping you posted: She replyed to my e-mail yes the "W" well as you can imagine she went off like a "Psycho B****" well anyways she says that i am the stupid one for believing evereything that he told me that if she forgives my "MM" is because he has her threatened to do something to himself.(which i find hard to believe)

that she told him that she would divorce him so that he can be happy with me and that he refuses to that he says that yes he admits to have cheated but that "He loves her" and not me and she repeats that if he would ever have feelings for me that he would have left her for me........

Now she says that she does not want to ruin my marriage but that i should consider telling my husband that way he can know and get himself checked that how can i sleep with someone and have the concious all clear and bla..bla..bla.....

Ohhh and that this is not the first time he cheats on her that this is actually his 3rd time imagine that now...

Girls i am so, so, sad and i feel awful i dont know why if i knew all this can happen why am i feeling all this??? well i have not spoken to "MM" only yesturday that he called to tell me to please give him sometime that he does not want to loose me. what to really do know girls?????? Yes i miss him and dang i really do not want to end this with him but what to do now i am like really feeling like a big idiot...I know my "MM" is going to call me tommorow monday what do i say what do i do please advise me you all...

Thanks a million...

MaruBaby

Pages