We made love for the first time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
We made love for the first time
11
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 2:26pm
THis is my first post and my first affair. We are both married and in our 50s. We found each other again after not seeing each other for many years. It was instant magic and love. He lives far away. We've seen each other 3 times in the last month, and spoken often and long on the phone.

Our first two meetings were talking and heavy "making out" as we used to call it. It was wonderful. The third time we finally made love. Unfortunately, it wasn't great. I wasn't well lubed, and we had a bit of a problem. (Haven't had sex with spouse in 7 years!!!) I don't even think I was as turned on as I was with the petting.

Now I'm afraid that he will lose interest now that the awful/wonderful anticipation has been replaced by a less than perfect memory. He says it was fine, and he should have thought to bring a lubricant, and that he can't perform like he used to, either. It never occurred to me that I might need it-never had this problem before. Last time I had sex was before menopause!

Our situation is impossible anyway, we both know that. We do love each other though-at least he says so. I think of him constantly, can't eat or sleep. I never thought I would feel this way again. We enjoy each other so much, and were good friends when we knew each other before.

I'm not sure what my point is, but I almost wish we hadn't had sex. I don't know when we'll see each other again-not for several months at least, I imagine. I'll be talking to him this week, maybe tomorrow. I don't really want to talk about it any more with him-don't want to "talk it to death" as I said to him. But I want to find out if his ardor has cooled.

I can't talk about this with anyone in my life, so I could use some cyber shoulders.

Thanks

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Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 3:34pm
I wouldn't worry *too* much about how the sex turned out between you two. I think this probably happens to alot of people and I do know that sex only gets better with each try :0) I know the first time I was with my MM after 12 years apart ourselves, things were *great* but I had worries myself. I knew I had been really nervous and anxious and I knew that it had showed, but he thought it was great and it has gotten better each time I think and sometimes that's just impossible but I know it has!! ;0)

Just think.... he was probably just as nervous as you and had fears of his own < I think that's perfectly natural. I haven't actually dealt with the menopause thing and such but I was really worried about just how I thought I may have *changed* since the last time I was with my MM (22 then, 34 now & 2 kids later) <<< I nearly worried myself to death over nothing. Next time, you'll know to bring some lube, like you said and maybe then...you won't even need it :) Good Luck to you and let us know how it goes!

PR

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 3:38pm
Sex gets better in my opinion too.

The first time me and my OM did it, he came right away the minute I made the slightest noise. I think he's still embarrassed about it even though we have quite a good track record now. I was flattered actually. The best we've had was actually the latest. I say don't give up it can only get better and better! Good luck!


Edited 8/24/2003 3:39:16 PM ET by derrygirl

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 4:07pm
lol, derry..that reminds me of a conversation that me & MM had a few weeks ago. He told me that he had been so worried about coming too soon that he had went to the bathroom -to take care of things- so that he would be sure not to have it happen too soon... *it worked* Bless Him, we laughed our butts off about that though. I told him it would have been *okay* if he had, I wasn't gonna jump up & run out...lol, the things we worry about.

PR

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 4:14pm
Hahahahhaha ... oh prettribbons that's funny. Like I said I was flattered. The second I made a noise, that's all it took. I told him, "I have that affect on men." Hahahaha.

I didn't jump up and run out ... but just to tease him the next time I was REALLY loud!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:41pm
I'm new here to and I had to responed.

I'm single and with a MM and we have been together 3 years, we have known each other for about 8 years before we got together and we went horseback riding 3 times just talking before we had sex, and it was awful too,but now it awesome and just gets better each and everytime.

We have never brought up the first time, so please try not to let it get you down, it will get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:54pm
Longlegs,

I have to agree with the others! It just keeps getting better. I've been in EMA with MM for almost 3 years. I never dreamed the sex would be this good. Like you, I have not been intimate with H for a very long time. The first time was good, but we were at an out of town work conference and both drank a little too much. My guess is we did to work up the nerve to start this A since neither of us are big drinkers. I think that we both knew it was going to happen that night. Unfortunately, he kept having to go to the bathroom while I tried to keep the bed from spinning! He "got there", I didn't. But the next night, the earth moved! We laugh about the first time now and cherish the fact that it keeps getting more exciting and better each time.

I'll bet next time is great!

Hugs to you

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:28pm
Was so happy to find your post. First, I agree with what everyone else is telling you - it will get better - lots better!. You and I have a lot in common. I am also in my 50s, in my first (and I hope only)A, and have not been intimate with my spouse for 5 years. In addition, I only see my OM rarely due to his work schedule and the fact that we live some distance from each other. In between times I occasionally worry that the last time wasn't good enough - even though it's almost always really great! This is a difficult situation to be in and I'm sure you probably never thought you'd be here (never thought I would either). I think what you've described in terms of your feelings is very natural - it's pretty much word for word what I would write. And as for thinking you'd never feel this way again - isn't it great? OM and I have been together almost 5 years now and I can't imagine my life without him. And like you, I have no one that I can talk to about it. If you want to email me, my email address is in my profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:36am
Thank you all for your replies. I'm not so worried that it won't get better, but that, since we see each other so seldom, the ardor and desire he felt for me will be gone, since it wasn't what he had . I will probably talk to him today, and wonder what I can say to find that out. I feel like a teenager, and right now, not in a good way!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:40am
If he loves you and you love him, some not-so-good sex is not going to be a deal-breaker. Most guys I know ended up marrying women who they did NOT have awesome sex lives with. Men don't care about fabulous sex nearly as much as WE do or as much as we think THEY do. They just want to get some, and they want it to be with someone they feel a connection with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:46am
Hi long

One more post before I go back to work!! Men are pretty simple creatures - no matter what the sex was like the first time, chances are he will want to try it again! ...Especially if he is feeling something for you. That ardor will build up again. Good luck!

 

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