We saw her last night!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
We saw her last night!!!!
6
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 9:47am
So me and my MM of two years are on our way to taking my kids to a seafood festival and we had to stop at Wal Mart to get an umbrella stroller. I knew something wasn't right because he was walking with his hands in his pockets and wasn't saying much. We turn a corner and who walks up?? HIS WIFE!!! Now for those of you who don't know much about this situation, his wife has known about us for a year now and they are in the process of selling thier property (the deal closes on Oct. 20th which is the day he is going to move in with me). So anyway, he immediately asked her to go outside if effort not to make a scene. I stayed about ten feet behind because my kids were with us and I didn't want them to see that. Also, he and I drove my car out there and he had my keys. To be honest, I really didn't know what he was going to do. She kept telling him to go home with her "right now". He said no and he told her that she knew what his plans are (to move out after the property sells). Well after about 5-10 minutes of standing outside talking she finally turned around and went back into walmart. She walked right past me and we looked at each other and said nothing. I seriously thought he would tell me he had to go and leave with her so that he could go home and deal with her. But he didn't!! He looked at me and said "Come on let's go". I really felt good. That showed me that he is serious about leaving and he is telling me the truth.


So now, I feel kind of wierd about it because I'm worried about him. Even though he came home with me, he was very quiet for the rest of the night. However he kept re-assuring me that I have nothing to worry about and I should feel good about this. He said his only concern now is that she will back out of the deal with thier property and he won't get his money. I think I'm just trying to find something wrong. Maybe I should take this for face value and be happy that he left with me. It was just uncomfortable for both of us. Her and I have talked on the phone and I met her face to face but all THREE of us have never been in the same spot at the same time. Please give some input and your thoughts on this. Should I be worried??? Im losing my mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 10:07am
I don't think you need to be upset or worried about it. He does have a lot on his mind and seeing her there put a damper on his night. Just be confident in his feelings for you while he is dealing with the settlement of his marriage and property. Show him you believe in his love for you.

Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 10:16am
I don't think you have anything to worry about, remember actions speak louder than words and his actions tell you that he is serious about what he plans to do and his feelings for you. He is going through a lot right now, obviously at times it will be hard but as long as you are supportive and there for him I am sure all will work out.

Take a breather, and be happy at how things worked out, it could have been ALOT worse.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 10:11pm
Be HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!! WOW...I haven't had too many nice things to say about some of the men I've been reading about...but yours sounds genuine!

I'm sure it was a very AWKWARD situation for BOTH OF YOU.....and you have to keep in mind that the "afterthoughts" that YOU are experiencing about this.....are the same reason he was so quiet that night. He was having his OWN "afterthoughts"....and that would be SO NORMAL in this situation!! Just remember it has nothing to do with regret or even questioning his decision...he was just thinking about it...that's all...just like YOU are NOW. HIS DECISION TO LEAVE THAT STORE WITH YOU CONFIRMED WHO HE WANTS TO BE WITH!!! There is NO turning back for him......just try to be patient, and give him the space he needs to deal with ALL OF THE CHANGES that are going on his life. That's a lot of stress..even if it's a change for the better!!! I WISH YOU BOTH HAPPINESS!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 9:44am
Thank you so much everyone!!! I really love this man and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him and I believe we are at the tail end of the "marriage BS". I know we are still going to have problems, but at least I won't have to worry whether or not he's going to leave her anymore. I'm so glad I found this website. Every where I went in effort to find some place where I could talk about my situation I got nothing but negative comments. Just knowing that there are other women in my shoes makes this easier to deal with.


Ok so this weekend (he has to go there to watch the kids so she can work until he officially moves out) SHE DIDN'T EVEN GO TO WORK SO THAT SHE COULD MAKE SURE HE DIDN'T CALL ME!! She told him that until he moves out, he is not going to have any contact with me as long as she's around (go figure). She even went so far as to buy a CARTON of cigarrettes for him so that he couldn't use that excuse to get out of the house to call me. He and his 7 year old son like to rent movies on the weekends so they can camp out in his son's room and veg out. Well, she rented like 10 movies so that he couldn't use that excuse either. He once again reassured me that we only have two more weekends of this (16 days, he's counting the days!!) and it will all be done with. I get to see him tonight, it's Monday so he's with me all week long. I MISSED THE HELL OUT OF HIM!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 3:58pm
Fpenick...

I am so happy for you. That right there what he did took alot for him to do. Be patient with him and thats great. Dont know what else to say but I wish you the best and things DO work out between you guys.

THATS IS GREAT.

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 12:27pm
Well yesterday my MM signed off the last bit of paperwork for the closing on his property. Now all he has to do is go sign the closing papers on the 20th so this means his W didn't back out of the deal even after she saw us together (not like it would've been easy for her to do anyway). It also means that he and I get $100,000 to get established. We are both very excited about it however, I'm still scared. You would think that after that whole episode last Friday night (at Walmart when she approached us and he left with me right in front of her) that I would shut myself up and just coast through this without any doubt whatsoever. And don't even think that it's doubt, it's just kind of like a scary feeling, you know?? I can't explain it.


So last night, he and I went out to celebrate this good news and spend some time together without the kids. We had a great time, but ever since he told me October 20th, and it's getting so close, I feel like I keep trying to put things together in my head. Like making sure everything he tells me adds up. I know that's natural under the circumstances, but God I just get so tired. And alot of it is me (well maybe not all of it but the majority of it). Self induced. I was so BURNED by my ex that I fear this is something that is just habitual now. The questioning and the checking and all these negative thoughts that run through my head is all just habit now. He could tell me that the sky was blue and I'd probably go look for myself to make sure it was. See what I mean?? And I really think that this is something I would do even if my MM wasn't married or if I was with someone else I would still do it. It's just me. I've been burned so many times by friends and my ex that the word "trust" does not even exist in my vocabulary.

Ok now, I need to forewarn you that what I'm about to say is very personal and I pray to God that no one here gets offended. I'm taking my chances here because I'm so upset right now that I'm desperate and I HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEBODY. Anyway, last night when we got home, of course after drinking we were both "in the mood". So we went to the bedroom where things got started and we were all in love and in the moment and I went to "give him special attention", well when I got "there", I could've sworn that he smelled and tasted different. So my stupid drunk A#* went and made a comment about it and of course it just killed everything. What am I thinking??? What is my problem??? Ok so this is an example of what I was talking about earlier. He was at my house all day long, he left for two hours to go sign paperwork and in my mind I'm thinking "hmmm did she go with him?? Did they do something??" And I know that's not the case because it's just not possible for that to happen. I just let my mind go wild on me. And it really scares me because I know it's going to run him down. It already is. He left this morning and didn't say goodbye. He told me he was still upset about last night. I hurt his feelings.

I can't imagine what I would do if he ever said something to me like that. I don't know how to fix this. I just don't realize what I'm saying while I'm saying it. I never think about how it's going to affect him.

I know he won't leave me over this, we're too close, but I just feel horrible. I want him to want to be around me and think good thoughts about me. Not dread coming to see me because all he's going to get is 20 questions about where he was who he called today and what happened while he was at home for the 2-3 hours he's there and on and on.


What am I going to do??






Edited 10/11/2003 3:20:04 PM ET by fpenick