we talked again
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we talked again
| Sat, 04-24-2004 - 7:24pm |
Oh man! Me and om had 2 talks this week. He had me scared. Didn't know what was bothering him. It's the first time I felt any anger or frustration in his voice.
So, we finally met and talked. He wanted to tell me that I don't show my feelings the way he does. He said he cares alot and worries about me being at home. H is breaking coffee tables and misc. stuff around the house. And last time me and H got into it. I called om and he heard a lil about what was going on in the background, And I said I'd have to call back. Well, I never did. And when he called me back I could tell there something wrong.
He told me there is somethings we need to talk about. Well, it was all about the feelings and how he has introduced me to family and friends and blah, blah, blah. And he said that he was hurt that I didn't call back and scared that something bad might have happened to me. He said he was ready to drive back to where I live and he was almost an hour away. He said that hurt him. Pretty much saying I don't respect him by not calling back. I guess I didn't realize that he felt that way. Selfish I guess.
He feels like I have feelings one day and the next time I see him which is usually the next day, since we do see each-other daily. I tried to tell him that I have a wall up and it's coming down slowly. And that I do care for him a lot and miss him when I'm not with him. And I wanted to say I love you since I do. I just can't get the words out. I feel as though I'll end up hurt if I say those words?? OH, how I would love to say it. And then he said that we still have some things to talk about but didn't want to now because we had a few drinks.
Well, Last night we went out to dinner and played some pool. Great time. Then we went back to his place and he started to talk. He got down on one knee and said Girl you need to ask me to help you. You need to get out of your m. YOur H is emotionally abusing you and destroying your things. WHich he is. He was so sincere at least I think. And once again we told each-other how much we care. I tried telling him that leaving is my goal, Just it's so much easier said then done. It was so sad we both had tears in our eyes. I couldn't believe that we both shared those emotions. It was a great feeling but it's also making me love him that much more and I'm not sure that's a good thing or not. It feels great but you know. At least I know he's there for me but there goes that wall again. I start to think that I"m going to end up hurt and heartbroken. Could it be the guilt of knowing what I have done to my H? Could it be that he is just a rebound?
sorry for babbeling just had to vent! Thanks for listening :-)
