Weak in the knees this morning...
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Weak in the knees this morning...
| Tue, 09-16-2003 - 11:33am |
When I hear his voice my world stands still for a moment! I love listening to mm's messages on my phone. Isn't this the way that the man in your life is supposed to make you feel? Why don't I feel this way when my husband calls? I've tried for the last two months to talk myself into loving him again and I just can't do it anymore. I hate myself for hurting him but I just can't let it go on any longer. I want to smile again. I want to sing out loud in my car....... Lately all I do is sleep. I'm so depressed. If I leave am I making the wrong decision?

I can't tell you if your making the wrong decesion only you can know for sure. Do you have small children?
I could have written your post and feel the exact same way. Whenever my phone rings at work,which is were OM calls me, my heart drops. Even if we just chat for 5 minutes he makes my day. On the other hand when H calls me only for somethings like Whats for dinner, I can almost feel nausous. Have you spoken to your H about your feelings? I recently told my H of 10 years that I'm not In Love with him anymore, I love him like a family member and were great parents together but that's it. He has been trying a little bit but his touch makes me ill. I cannot leave yet due to finances. I only work part-time and really can't do full time until at least the summer. Which is a timeline I set for myself to do something major if nothing changes. Part of me wants it to work but the other does not. I also have been taking sleep aids about 8:30 and passed out by 9pm so I'm not alone w/. H and I cry to myself all of the time.
If you would like to chat some more I can give you my email.
Idontknow
only leave for yourself, not for the OM. if you're depressed, please see a therapist and talk about your feelings. if you're just not going to be happy with your H, let him know that. you always have choices and options. work out why you want to leave your M and if the issue(s) are not solvable, make a plan and leave.
it will hurt, but won't be the end of the world. you will survive and so will your H. think about what you want and then act on it.
best of luck sweetie,
gurl
You often hear of people that say they stayed together too long in an unhappy relationship/marriage. Some do it for the kids sake, some out of fear. Fear of loneliness, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. As for the kids, - they grown up and get lives of their own, then what is left for you? Do a couple stay together after the kids are grown and gone? Do they stay together out of habit - fear? or has the numbness consumed their souls to the point that the emptiness and loneliness are a familiar friend? Is love something that you fall in and out of during the course of a relationship? Is it like peaks and valleys? And what happens when the valleys become wider and the peaks are so far apart you can't see them anymore? Do you wake up one day and realize that you are someone who has taken up permanent residence in the valley? Is that the point when you ask yourself,"is this who I really am or is this the person I have becomewith this person? and can I live the rest of my life like this - or do you wonder where did the "old" you go? Is that part of you alive anymore or just buried deep beneath the hurt, pain, resentment? Is there something more out there, something more of "me"? Is there a "me" that is happier? As many of you know, the history between people is culivated over time, obviously it is one of ceremony or of tragedy. Is this dance performed with passion or ambivilance, just going through the motions. One can't possibly resolve themself to stay in a relationship simply because they occasionally get a fleeting glimpse of what once was.
When is enough, enough When there is NOTHING, when your significant other is no longer significant. When the only commonality is indifference, when "home" becomes a structure, when their pain and fear no longer affect you - or when you get some sense of justice in their pain and fear. When your words intentionally cut like a knife - focusing especially on their insecurities, when their absence is welcomed.
One of the worst feelings in the world is when you are in a relationship and you feel alone - not lonely, which is a fleeting emotion - but alone. You can be in a room full of people and you feel alone. An emotion that cannot be numbed - no matter how hard you try. It cannot be temporarily abated but it is ever present.
That is what makes us lose all sense of hope. The aloneness makes us abandon all that once important - we lose all passion for life. The despair takes over every aspect of our life - it is pervasive - it will eventually destroy the spirit resulting in a mere existence rather than a life.
I will get off my soap box now.
saatty
Edited 9/17/2003 2:03:00 AM ET by saatty