weekend decisions

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
weekend decisions
2
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 5:36pm

Happy Weekend all -

I've been keeping extremely limited contact with AP this week (he initiates all text, email, phone calls) - mostly for my own peace of mind while i work out where I am with things. If you missed my cap the other day - AP and I are both going through D - spouses know about the two of us and our A. The plan was to get through D's and at some point move on with life together. AP buckled a little this last week and began questioning if he should D. Caught me off guard a little since things for the last year have been so intense and connected for us.

At first I was completely offended - feeling that he had lied (duh) and betrayed me - his sudden pull back and lack of contact left me devastated and at first my reaction was to go nuts - the squirrels definitely had their share of nuts. and then I decided choosing (from all of your good advice) to pull back and let him initiate contact allowed me to gain some good vision to where I am - with or without him.

I don't want to lose him. I love him. Last night we talked for about an hour and I realized that maybe my answer is to just take a few steps back - take off the pressure of trying to be together and get back to just being friends first, lovers as a bonus. So for now - that's what I'm doing. I'm still not initiating contact (feel like this needs to be his choice - I'm certain of my choices in this) and if he doesn't choose me - then I move on. I'm not dead set in him having to be D'd - the truth is that I realized this weekend - he might not go that way - and I'm actually okay with the idea of his staying with her.

The idea of moving on without him hurts like hell, but I have a life outside of him that needs me to function - kids, job, school...all of it. I realized that I was a lot more sure in my own decision to D -

I realized too, that this past year with AP has made me so happy - it's made me more aware of my own wants and desires as well as my own belief that I can do whatever I set my mind out to do. I know there will be the inevitable lows - but today I'm feeling better about my own choice in this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 12:21am

LLB,


That does sound like a rollercoaster of a time lately!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 9:12am
I think you're handling it all perfectly, and realizing that even without AP, you'll be OK. That is such an important realization. Pulling back from him was the right thing to do also. He obviously needs the space to decide this very important thing about his future. You would not want to drag him there if he's not ready - he would have major regrets later - even if he does eventually decide to be with you, if he was pressured, he wouldn't know that he would have decided the same thing without the pressure. (Does that make sense LOL)



(((HUGS))) for all you're going through right now. I think you're gonna be just fine, whatever happens!

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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