is this weird?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
is this weird?
15
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:52pm

Hi Ladies,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 9:08am

In his mind - he has created a barrier of sorts that probably gives him a great deal of comfort - he can dive in emotionally but not physically - if he does not penetrate that barrier he has erected - my guess is that is his way of dealing with his guilt - logic being that an emotional affair is OK - similar to Bill Clinton "I did not have.... relations" with that women.....

to be honest and open many years back like 1993... I was about to get involved with a woman and I rationalized if we limited physical contact to oral only - well then I really was nt crossing any line...... it is dumb in hind site but I was young, dumb and full of naivety ........anyway what I have learned is that the idea of something is very powerful like say a sexual relationship but actually wanting to see that relationship through and execute those impulses is not as easy as one would think for some....... in my mind an EA can be and is usually as powerful as an PA and once the line is crossed for either - in the end a line was crossed......

so to loop back your question... I do not think he was playing you for a fool at all - I think he did not really know what he wanted........... and he may like the idea of something more.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 10:14am
He doesn't want to cross that line into an "affair" I have been with AP for 12 years and we also work together. The first 6 years we just did everything but IC. The first couple of years he did not finish. He felt that with IC it was an affair but anything else was OK. Once we had IC there was no going back. We both had tremendous guilt. Not so much anymore. The guilt I feel now is how much I would hurt H should he find out. AP told me in the beginning he would leave when his youngest was 18. she will be 21 this year and he is still at home. They never leave. He now tells me this is the year he will actually do it. My youngest is in high school and I won't leave until he goes to college. We broke up too many times to count over the years and always got back together. I think your AP missed you over the summer and now wants to have you back in his life. I don't know if he has changed but it sounds like he really wants you to be part of his life. Eventually you will cross that line again and have ic. We also only had the contact at work but now we talk, text, and most recently im in the evenings and meet on the weekends for lunch or a drink. Don't know where I am going with this but since we both work with AP I thought I would post to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 2:37pm

Thanks for your reply - it's good to know that someone else has experienced something similar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 4:22pm
I always had suspisions too but he has never been with anyone besides me. We always think the worst when they do things like that. I always wondered where he was and who he was with when he came in late or left work early and I could never get up the nerve to ask him. I would have done the same thing by leaving. You need to communicate with him more if you are to continue this. We can't know what they are thinking or doing all the time. My ap was not a good communicator. He would have this great plan to be with me like when his wife was out of town but he never told me until the last minute and I would already have plans that I could not change. He is pretty good at it now because we missed out on so many great opportunities to be together. Next time you should just say to him no matter what kind of mood he is in "are we still on for today" You really have to trust him and keep the lines of communication open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 5:37pm

Trouble is, first time around, he was seeing at least one other ap at the same time as me.

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