Well, he finally emailed me...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Well, he finally emailed me...........
5
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 10:37am
And I got the answer I knew was coming but didn't want. He said that he wasn't trying to "mess" with me and confuse me by being nice to me yesterday after ignoring me on Thursday, but that he talked to me just so that he wouldn't be completely rude. (oh thanks....!). He was just trying to avoid "tension" between us. He said that because he let our friendship go somewhere that was harmful to "our" personal lives, that it is best that we don't continue to talk.

So there's my answer....it really is over, I guess. Which sucks because I really like him even just as a friend. This might sound crazy (I know I should just let go) but what are the chances that if I do ignore him for awhile, it'll drive him nuts and he'll come back to wanting to at least talk to me again? I'm trying to protray an image to him that I don't care about whether he talks to me or not because I don't want him thinking I'm completely insane and obssessed but in all reality, this is the worst thing that's happened to me in a long time. I really, really, really, like him and don't want this to end like this. Not without at least a passionate kiss!!!!!!

Does the ignoring thing work? Or should I proclaim my deepest feelings for him? I want to scream at him....."choose me" but out of utter fear of rejection, I'm acting instead like I don't care at all whether he comes or goes.

so instead, I'll scream here!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Blue"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 10:46am
blue -- honey, i really hate to say this, but please leave him alone and really mean it. why are you chasing someone who DOES NOT want you?! please don't play the game with him. he's entitled to end it and you cannot control him, only yourself.

let him go, no kiss, no talking, no friends. he obviously can't handle the A and the guilt. and what kind of "friendship" would it be -- you trying to pull him in and him pushing you away!

it's over so you need to move on with your life. sorry to be so blunt, but you're trying to hold on to something that's not there.

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 10:54am
Honestly, beautifulbabyblue, I can relate to you feeling like there's unexplored territory but in a way I feel like you were lucky. Believe me, it hurts a lot less with it ending now, BEFORE you've become emotionally involved, than later down the line. A while back I tried to end things with MM, to take us back to just friends. (Of course, he came chasing after me again so it didn't last long...) Those two or three days, I spent in sheer torture. Every song I heard, every place I passed... I didn't realize until then just how involved in my life MM has become. Even restaurants I ate at with H during the time the A has been going on made me sad. Really there wasn't a square inch of my life that didn't somehow remind me of MM and how it was over. The longer things go on, the more songs you hear on the radio or restaurants you eat at or clothes you buy, the harder it will be to end it because all of it will remind you of him when it's over. You may think he's not having an effect on you -- that it's all about the physical -- but I can tell you, that's what I thought at first. I would have laughed if you'd told me I was going to fall for the guy. That said, yes, I think the best thing you can do right now is just move on with your life and act to OM as if you couldn't care less about him. I say that not because it's a game that will win him back but because in doing so, eventually you're going to realize he's not coming to you and you'll begin your recovery. "Fake it until you make it." However, there is a slim possibility he will have an interest in you after time goes by and if so, that'll be fine too. But you can't count on it. You have to move forward and in time, it'll all work out for the best, either way. You haven't talked much about your M. What's that situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 11:19am
See, I know you guys are right but I have this issue with rejection. I have never had to deal with it before so I don't know how. (I'm not saying that to be pretencious, but I just never have had a guy turn me down before). And not only that, but I know that he cares about me. How am I supposed to act like all the things he said before he was found out don't mean anything? I can't forget the friendship and the conversations we had just 3 weeks ago. Just because his gf found out that he has been hanging out with me and flirting with me, all of a sudden those feelings he had don't exist??? What, she wiped them out of him???? That's what I don't get....we were so on the verge of taking things to the next level (and yes, right now I'm glad we didn't) so how can all that just not mean anything anymore?? I know he cares, I know he doesn't want it this way, but I think that you're right 'lilah', he's running scared. I'm going to take your advice and we'll see what happens. What really sucks, is this guy is my optician and I need new contacts. I guess I can be professional and supress everything!

As for my M, I know that this isn't where I want to be in that relationship. I don't want to be married, but right now, I don't know where to go with that. I started having the "talk" with my H, telling him that I thought we got married to quickly and that I think I'm too young to be a wife. But, to be completely honest, the thought of trying to go this alone ($$ wise), scares me to death. I'm in university so I only work part time. My H supports us. But I know I don't love my H the way I should and deceiving him really bothers me. I hate pretending to be someone I'm not.

Thank you as always for listening and your advice. I really do appreciate it!

"Blue"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 2:11pm
I'm sorry you received that email and sending you hugs. From what you wrote, it sounded like he made it pretty cut and dried "it's best that we don't continue to talk", in short "goodbye, and I don't want us to talk again." Unfortunately, he didn't leave any wiggle room to continue things. Be polite and say hello when you see him, but keep on walking.

Right now, it might be best to learn from this, and let it go.

With huges,

Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 3:05pm
Hi Blue, sorry you're feeling bad, apparently he did really make it clear that he wants to end it. In a way that's a good thing although you may not think so now. My MM has not said he wanted to end things, but his actions make it seem like that. So because he's never actually said that, I keep my hopes up, and probably should not. And like you, I do not take rejection well. I'm trying to think of it as not rejection of ME, but just a choice he's made obviously, to put his priorities elsewhere. But it really hurts, I know that. Hope you can get past the hurt feelings and get on with your life. I know its easier said than done, I'm living it right now too!! But I try not to think about him, it gets a little easier with time. I hope you don't have to see him regularly? I don't think I could manage that. At least I can't see my XMM, we live in different cities, thank goodness for that (I think). Take care,

Dusty
xxxx